The Human Condition
by Justice Tokidoki
Summary: "He gave you life, a soul. And what do you do in return? You rip out his heart and feed it to the dogs." In a world morphed by amazing advances in technology, Sora faces the consequences of cloning. Meanwhile, Roxas struggles to accept the sacrifices Sora has made as a Host.
1. Winds of Change (Sora)

**The HuMaN CondITIon**

**~Winds of Change~**

I wake up to the sound of chirping. The notes waver and cluster in the corner of my room where my window is located surprisingly. I attempt to turn my head and gaze at the welcoming bird, but then I remember I'm supposed to be on bed rest. Dang it.

Ah, sorry. My reaction might of seemed a little overdramatic. When I say bed rest it's not the accommodating bed rest where you can lounge on the bed, sigh with content, and possibly go to the restroom if you're not too lazy. Bed rest for me means no moving at all. A twitch of the fingers will get me a scolding; a turn of the head equals a slap in the face. Sitting up? Yeah, just kill me now...

Yeah, who could be so cruel and sick, right? Well, our hospitals work a little . . . differently than most. Well, at least to Hosts. No, I'm not talking about the people who run a party with fake smiles and crap. It's me. I'm a Host.

Oh, what's that? You don't know what a Host is? Ah, you do know but the definition you received is incorrect. At least according to my country's terminology . . .

Confused? Do you want to know what it means? Seriously, I don't mind going into detail. After all, I'm stuck in this deathtrap anyway; I might as well put that AP History status to use. Ah, actually hold on to that thought. Someone's coming in . . .

Oh, it's just the nurse. "Sora-Kan, you have a visitor," She says, tone perfectly flat and neutral. Her eyes shine with contempt and disgust, a sharp blue icicle that matches her blue hair that's tied into a strict bun.

I smile back. "Does this mean I am free to move now?"

"Mr. Kan, you do realize that your condition is fatal, right? Must I show you the results of your last physical?" Again, she keeps the same neutral peaceful voice. It's a sign of respect really. But her eyes speak otherwise.

Despite the fact that she hates me Aqua has always been my favorite doctor. She doesn't try to hide; she'll let you know when you've made her upset. She's pretty honest, which is not what I can say about everyone else here. "Yeah, I saw the X-rays. But if I'm stable enough I'd really like to get out of this bed, Ishura-sensei." I slowly sit up and wince. Looks like my chest is still a little sore. Ugh.

Aqua's neutral frown turns into a small smile; a slight upturn of the lips. Boy, I'm about to get it now. "Sora-Kan, I'd advise you to just stay still. To be honest, I have a lot of patients to work through today. You won't be helping anyone if you have another heart attack."

I laugh. "Aw, you know me better than that. I wouldn't push myself that hard."

Aqua's smile turns into a soft smirk. "I beg to differ. You seemed pretty passionate about overcoming your own limits last week."

My eyes widen and I gasp. "Whoa, you actually watched it?"

Aqua's eyes darken considerably, a faint warning. But in a second her eyes are closed and all I can see is her forced smile. "I am a sucker for politics."

I smile. "Well, it means a lot to me. You took time out of your busy schedule to listen. You're probably the only one in the hospital who hears my-well, the F.C.R.'s voice." Yep, I said it. F.C.R. What does it stand for? You'll find out soon enough.

Aqua starts writing on a clipboard she brought as she glances back and forth between the various machines monitoring my heartbeat. "There's always someone listening out there, Kan, especially when you go viral."

I shrug. "I understand that."

"Then you also understand that what you're doing is a major risk. You're declining . . . " She sighs and looks at me seriously. "There's a difference between a man giving a speech and a teen with . . . exceptions."

I roll my eyes at the word 'exceptions.' "Please, like that's going to stop me."

"No, it probably won't. But if you want people to take you seriously you might want to think about how your sickness will influence the people's decisions."

"But that's the thing, Sensei. I'm not sick." I stare at her, never letting my eyes leave her now pale face.

Aqua looks away, rummaging through a white cabinet in the far left corner. "Your vitals say otherwise. I suggest you stop deluding yourself and let me do my job in peace." She turns, one eyebrow raised threateningly. "Is that clear? I can't afford any mishaps. Not today."

See? Honest to the core. Most people would either fill their words with sugar, feign ignorance, or reassure me like I'm a baby or something. But not Aqua. She'll tell it to you straight. "Right. I understand." I gesture towards my lone ride in the corner. "Could you please help me get into my wheelchair, Sensei?"

"I guess that's fair, though I would recommend that you take it easy for the next couple of days."

Whoa, the next couple of days? That means . . . no, she must be bluffing. "Um, did I hear you correctly? A few days?"

Aqua smirks as she walks over to me, removing the tubes and other various unpleasant hospital stuff. "You're trying to resign, right? With a little tweaking, and a lot of medication, we may just be able to get you home, Kan."

"Are you serious?" I can't help showing off my meter wide smile and I start laughing like an escaped convict, which I am in a sense. With the state of my country and the opinion of the masses most would probably consider me as such.

Well, to them I say, screw it. I made my choice. I stand by it. And I'm not going to back down just because other people find my decision immoral or unjust. I'm proud to be a Host. I'm proud of the injuries I have now. I'm going to stroll out of this room in my wheelchair with pride! Heck, I'll even start singing if they let me.

"Sora, Sora? Sora!" It takes a couple of seconds for me to register Aqua's voice. It enters a haze. It muffles and cuts off in random intervals. Colors flash through my eyes in streams and sparks, like mini fire works, clouding up the corners of my vision. My body thrusts forward and I gasp when I feel my chest protest.

"Sora, your heart!" Her voice sounds like a screech now. The cacophony blasts through my ears, buzzing through my entire frame as the monitors beside me go crazy.

Then I feel it; the sharp pounding in my chest. It hurts, oh man it hurts. Sharp, needles stabbing into me, hammers blasting through my sides, something crushing me from within . . .

It's just all going thump, thump, thump, thump, Pound, thump, pound! Gah, I can't breathe. Oh man, I can barely get out a puff of air!

"Sora, Sora listen to me!"

Ugh, her voice is killing me! Everything is killing me! My chest is on fire, I can't breathe, I'm choking, I'm freezing, I'm . . .

Wait, everything is white. I can't, my heart . . . it doesn't hurt anymore. What's going on?

There's . . . nothing here. I mean, I really can't see anything. I can't . . . I can't feel anything either . . .

"Hello, is anyone there?" My voice carries, echoing into nothing. I really, really don't like it here. This is bad, this is really bad. "I need to get out of here, need to leave. This isn't right. I don't belong here."

_"How true."_

"Eh?" I glance around and run across the white plains and fields. The sounds of my footsteps don't match. It feels like I'm running on a tiled surface when the ground looks rugged and bumpy. But it's all white, so much white. "Hello?"

_"So annoying."_

I turn around, frowning as blank whiteness meets me. "Well that was pretty rude."

_"Your voice is. It's too high, I don't like it. And no one said I had to be polite."_

I grumble and keep turning, searching for the weirdo. "Look, could you just come out?" It takes a couple of seconds but eventually tan contrasts with white. And yellow too. And blue.

Sorry, weird descriptions. Everything is still hazy, I can't fully see . . . what the, is he naked? I step back as he fully comes into view and then I'm . . . puzzled.

Okay, let me explain. It has nothing to do with the geled up blonde spikes that spiral down into bangs and up into twisting spirals around his face. It definitely doesn't involve his soft, baby like face or the toned abs and legs. Even the fact that he's not wearing anything isn't causing me to freak out.

No . . . it's his eyes. They're _my_ eyes. "Who are you?" I whisper, and then I frown.

The boy in front of me smiles, a cruel slow raise of the lips. More of a mocking glance than anything else. _"My name? Huh . . . what's in a name anyway?"_

Now I'm frowning. "Excuse me?" This is getting strange, his voice . . . there's something familiar about it . . .

He laughs and crosses his arms. His posture is straight and speaks of arrogance and confidence. I guess being naked doesn't really bother him._ "A name? It's not important, roses still smell like roses, even if we call them something else, right?"_ He holds up a hand and suddenly a flower appears in his palm. _"What if I named this plant 'crap' specifically. It still smells nice, why does the label matter?"_

"Um, you're losing me here." I start to fidget. I'm growing more uncomfortable the longer I stand in his presence and I have no idea why.

He starts laughing even harder; a sad harsh laugh. _"You don't read much Shakespeare, do you?"_

I shrug. "I'm more of a history person."

His expression goes from bitter form of humor to serious in an instant. _"Sorry. I guess the point I'm trying to make is . . ."_ He sighs and looks at the ground, dropping the flower. _"Do you think labels define us? At the end of the day, are _words_ the only thing that matter?"_

"Hmmm, well if you want my opinion I do think they matter. But whether it becomes a limit that restricts someone . . . well, I think that's up to the individual." I bite my bottom lip, still unable to shake the uneasy feeling in my chest. "Why do you ask?"

His answering smile sends shivers down my back._ "Because my name doesn't matter. People don't care what I'm called, the label they want to see is something I don't know . . . so I'm basically screwed."_

"I see." I tilt my head. "Well, if you feel that way then I won't ask you. But if you don't tell me your name . . . it's almost the same thing as disappearing anyway, or in your words, screwing yourself over." I smile reassuringly, ignoring the bubbling queasiness rising in my chest. "Look, I won't judge you. And I will never push you away, no matter what your name suggests. I don't believe in limits personally." I chuckle bitterly, as thoughts of recent injuries surface. Well fought and hard won injuries, nevertheless. Ah, but I digress . . .

He stares at me critically, like he's trying to look past me. _"Tell me yours first."_

Huh, how rude of me. No wonder he's so paranoid, I spout all this knowledge and yet I'm an enigma to him. How silly of me. "My name is Sora, fitting right? But if you want the title society usually hands me, it's Sora-Kan or plain Kan. Sometimes Mr. Kan if you want to be formal." I shake my head, mumbling under my breath. "But, anyway, I honestly prefer Sora, so I'd really like it if you kept the horonific out."

_"Y-you're a Host?"_ The disbelief in his voice almost makes me laugh.

"Yes, I'm a Host. I admit it." I smile proudly. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I, Sora the magnificent, have shamelessly committed the controversal act of cloning myself. Bring on the hatred.

Except . . . I don't see that in his eyes. Hmmm, he doesn't look mad . . . I hope he's not going into shock. "Hey, hello? Are you okay?"

His eyes harden and he looks down, covering himself up as if he just realized that he was standing five feet in front of me with nothing but the wind to shield him. _"My name is _**Roxas**_."_

I almost don't catch the words, but it doesn't really matter. The moment he finishes his sentence my eyes roll back and the pain comes back full force. I cough roughly, falling towards the white, rough terrain with tears in my eyes. And just when I feel like things can't get worse, my chest lays down the final card.

And that's when I feel my heart burst.

* * *

**Hmmm, well I've been resting on this for a very long time. I feel like releasing it now, just to see what you all think of it. I have a lot of great ideas and more characters to introduce, but I'd also like some criticism just so I can see if it's peaking anyone's interest at all.**

**Well, until next time, thanks for reading! Also, just so everyone knows, this alternates between Sora and Roxas as far as POVs. If you want to know about pairings so far all I see is one (no, it's not Roxas/Sora) but romance really isn't the focus of this story so I suggest you guys don't worry about it for now.**

**Also, this story does involve some honorifics. Some are from the Japanese language and culture and others are ones I've made up. I'll explain the Japanese ones before or after the chapter if you guys like (though I'm assuming most of you already know them).**

**Justice T.**


	2. Just Living (Roxas)

**Honorific Explanations:**

**Sensei-**added on to a person's last name or simply replaces the name itself. Generally used for people in high professions (such as a doctor) or a master of something (like in martial arts).

**-chan-**added after a person's first name. Usually used between girls who are close friends. It's also an affectionate term lovers may use with each other.

**Aniki-**Can replace a person's first name. It's something a boy would say to his older brother but it's informal.

**Bozu-**This is used to refer to a boy. It's informal, similar to saying "kid" or "squirt."

* * *

**The _HuMaN_ ConDItion**

**~Just Living~**

He falls, clutching his own naked stomach like his heart will explode. His legs jerk and twist up, kicking in what seems to be an unnatural angle. It's strangely poetic the way his body moves, every muscle and organ struggling to keep him alive. His veins pulse beneath his skin and his skin turns pale, almost as white as the ground beneath me.

It doesn't feel right watching him squirm. But I can't move my arms. I can't take another step towards him. It has nothing to do with being incapable. Far from it.

Fact is, I'm not even sure if I want to help him.

Sora is a Host. I'm not sure if you fully understand what that entails, but after living on the Ground Square for so long, lost in nothing but poverty . . . yeah, please blame me for not saving the rich punk who decides to play god.

Yet . . . man, he sure does look sick. I've never seen a Host react this way at all. But then again, I don't really see much Hosts anyway. Not my kind of crowd you could say . . .

Okay, now I'm starting to feel like a jerk. Sheesh, what's wrong with him? In order to quell my slight curiosity over the fool's predicament I walk up over and touch Sora's shoulder.

The touch seems to break whatever spell he's under and suddenly air is rushing out of him like a sac. Then he coughs and then the coughs turn into dry heaves. I wrinkle my nose at the sight before covering his mouth, halting all airflow except through his nostrils. "Hey, calm down," I say, which is pretty nice for my standards. It's not everyday someone practically spews their lungs out to you though, so I can make an exception. "Hey, Sora-Kan?"

His face literally transforms before me. He bares his teeth, stabs me with his gaze, then shoves me away as if I have a disease. _"I told you not to call me that,"_ He grunts, which sounds brutal in the open space between us. Like a cracked throat.

This dude is seriously sick. "Well excuse me for trying keep your liver where it's at. With the way you're coughing . . . "

He wipes his mouth and it's clear from his pout that he's about to deny his condition right to my face. _"It's really not that bad. Don't worry yourself over me."_ He completes the sentence with a cough at the end. See, what did I tell you?

"Right." I whistle, looking around. The landscape is practically barren except for the rough ground. I have no idea why a flower appeared in my hand earlier, I kind of miss it. It was the only color this place had. Shame. "So, mind explaining why you're naked?"

Sora's expression is so dramatically mortified that I want to laugh. Almost. _"You tell me first,"_ he says, tone accusatory now. Apparently, if you mention this guy's health he becomes a wasp. I don't need all this stinging baggage, dude.

As you can plainly see I like talking to myself. Seriously. You're going to have to get used to it.

Ugh, why did I have to get stuck with a Host though? Of all people! "So . . . " It hurts just to talk now, I feel so awkward. "Um . . . how did you get here?"

_"Again, you tell me."_

Sheesh, he still sounds mad at me. What, can't handle the truth, Sora? You are sick, aren't you? "Look, we're not going to get anywhere going back and forth. You going to help me or what?"

Sora's expression softens and he stands, making a motion to dust himself off but he stops (probably remembering that he doesn't have anything on, heh). _"Sorry . . . my heart is totally betraying me right now."_

Ah, heart condition. Figures. "Right." I smirk to myself. It's just so ironic.

Okay, okay, you're probably all rolling your heads thinking I'm an idiot or something but you have to get the joke. You see, Hosts, if you didn't already know, are basically people who think they are god. They go off cloning themselves because they have all the money and power and it's for science and blah blah blah. So yeah, they think they're demigods and can do whatever they want with the clones and stuff.

Basically, our country is at war over this issue (and a bunch of other crap). Not literally, but politically everyone's pretty divided. At the extreme people think that the people who clone themselves are a disgrace to mankind, shaming the Bible's truths, spawns of the devil . . . you know, the usual extremist stuff.

I'm not even going to tell you what is said about the clones. Just know it's not pretty.

Anyway, a few of us have this joke that Hosts always suffer from heart problems because in order to even think about cloning yourself you must not have one (some even go as far as to make gory stories out of it. They talk about how people sell their souls and literally rip their hearts out in order to create the clones).

It's crazy cause here I am walking around with this random Host in the flesh and he has a heart condition. Heh . . .

Hmmm, I'm just talking to myself now, aren't I? Pfft, whatever. Don't ask me to explain my jokes anymore. Critics . . .

Well, it seemed more funny in my head. But now looking at Sora's face . . . yeah, it all seems a little immature now.

_"Hey, you okay? You've been staring at me for five minutes."_ Sora raises an eyebrow, which somehow makes him look all high and mighty though he's as pale as an icicle.

Wait a sec, was I staring at him? The heck? Ugh, I can't believe I did that again. Hmmm, it must have been a lapse or something.

Yeah . . . it was a lapse. "Right . . . sorry." I grin sheepishly even though inside my head I'm bashing myself with a hammer. But it's all in my head so therefore I don't look like a fool standing in front of him.

That's why I love the mind. It's awesome, seriously . . . at least when it's not forcing me into these damn lapses.

_"Roxas, you're still doing it."_

"Sorry." I cough. Yep, I take back what I said about the mind.

Sora purses his lips. Then he crosses his arms over his chest and smirks back at me. _"Like what you see?"_

Wait a minute, the hell?! Where did he get the courage to sass me? And how dare he try to use _my_ smirk. What a load of bull. "Don't fool yourself. I just . . . I do that sometimes. It's not just you." I look away because my face _always_ betrays me. Stupid cheeks. Ugh . . .

And I'm serious! I could lapse at anytime! In front of anybody! Not like I ask for it to happen. It just does.

Sora taps my shoulder and I scowl. _"Hey, easy! I thought you wanted help."_ Sora still has that crooked smirk on his face (again, mine) but his eyes are notably duller and he's holding a hand over where his heart should be.

Huh, perhaps I should be more careful around him. Don't want to set him off. "How about you go in one direction and I'll go in another direction and if either one of us finds the exit we'll yell or something."

Sora's smile disappears and he blinks. _"No. You won't. If you find the exit you'll just leave me here."_

How did he know? No, I wasn't thinking of doing that. I'm seriously wondering where he got the ability to even predict what I would do. "Listen, Kan, you may think you're in control of everything because you can afford to duplicate yourself. That doesn't mean you're anyone's boss. I say what I'm going to do. Got it?"

He sighs. _"Please don't call me that. I have a name. What happened to all that macho talk about labels, huh?"_

Dang, caught me that time. "Well, there are some exceptions you know." I mumble underneath my breath, staring straight ahead. "At least you have a title . . . "

He grabs my wrist and squeezes. I stop and look back at his face, mouthing 'what?' He shakes his head, and I have to strain my ears to hear his voice. _"You don't need a title. Your name is _Roxas_."_

I blink once. The way he said my name . . . it's not a stupid sassy mockery of it or anything. He just says it like it's important, like it means something. Like it stands for something. Like it's a regular name that any other person would say in the real world.

But I know in reality that's not the case. Still . . . it's nice hearing it that way.

I smile genuinely at him. "Okay. I'm Roxas and you're Sora." For now, anyway.

His smile is even bigger than mine and he lets go of my hand. _"You can lead. I'm horrible at directions anyway."_

"Smart choice." I chuckle though inwardly I'm screaming 'crap!'. But you know, playing it cool. "Follow me."

_"Already am. I'm waiting for you to lead."_ The smile is still on his face but there's also a playful glint in his eyes.

I sense smart-assery in this one. Easy to forget I'm walking with a Host sometimes. Not that I'm trying to be stereotypical, especially considering I don't hang out with these types . . .

Ergh, moving on! "You know what, if you squint I think you'll be able to make out a white hole over there."

_"What do you mean? Everything is white."_

"Yeah, but it's a little . . . you know, less white."

_"Ah . . . "_ Sora looks sheepish now. _"You know, about me being a little . . . weaker than normal. You see, I did suffer a heart attack recently and . . . "_ His voice trails off.

Wow, so he cares about his sickness now? "Well, what does that have to do with seeing a hole?"

_"Oh, nothing. It's just . . . well, it does play a small part. I wear contacts now. But . . . I forgot to put them on when I woke up and they didn't carry over to this place, so . . . "_

"You can't see it," I say flatly.

_"I'd love to say that I could, but I frankly,"_ I glare at him and he cuts to the chase. _"Yeah. Not seeing it."_

"Right. All you had to do was say that in the first place. Why circumvent?"

He grins amiably._ "Well, I do present a lot and give speeches and stuff. It's sort of wired in my brain so to speak. I say a lot of unnecessary stuff to grab attention."_

"Speeches, huh?" Hmm, intriguing. From what I've seen of him I bet he's downplaying this. I never really thought about what type of occupation he might have with him being so sick and all. He looks pretty young too. Maybe my age?

What teen in their right mind wants to waste hours giving monologues? "No offense but that sounds pretty boring," I mutter. What? I can't stop myself from telling the truth all the time.

_"No. Not at all. Ordinarily I'd agree. But being that I'm a history buff . . . I sort of found my way to commit to something."_ He grins proudly. _"And that's where most of these injuries come from, believe it or not."_

Injuries? I look over his body. I guess all the white scenery had been distracting because I completely missed the scar on the middle of his chest along with the red welts and bruises along his sides and legs. Even his arms look a little bruised up, though they're faded so I'm sure they're not recent. I frown. "All that for a speech? You start protests or something?"

Sora giggles rather innocently given the topic._ "Not as classy as Shakespeare but I think I can be just as profound. All it takes is an audience and a camera."_

"You mean you go viral?" This guy must be a prodigy if he's getting exposure like that. Or he's like super rich or a workaholic. "Well, I'll admit, that does take skill. Most networks rarely accept many newcomers. Especially teens."

Sora's expression can be considered gloating now though in his eyes I see that I'm broaching sensitive territory. _"Well, I was rejected several times. I go viral through . . . other means."_

"So illegally then?" Okay, I'm sorry, but this guy just got way cooler. I give him my second genuine smile of the day. "What channel?"

_"Ah, on PoliTech."_ His smile shrinks and his nose and cheeks turn red. _"It's a fairly famous channel. We've only done it through them a few times actually."_

"No kidding." PoliTech is one of the top viral channels in the nation. He has to have serious hackers on his side to pull something of that scale. "How many is a few?"

_"Three times. And . . . well, I was shooting for a fourth but my stay in the hospital is probably going to be extended when this is all said and done."_ Sora's expression is a mixture of relief and nervousness.

I shrug. "Yeah, reality sucks sometimes. Nothing new in my world."

His mocking smile returns. _"My life's not a party either. Not like I'm drowning in funds or anything."_ His eyes soften. _"My Mom is going to kill me . . . if I'm not dead already."_ Despite the seriousness of the conversation his smile didn't disappear and I saw his eyes lighten up briefly. It's the look of a person who has just stumbled upon a revelation and all of a sudden I feel like I'm overlooking an important concept.

Nevertheless, I still feel like teasing his financial situation (I doubt that he's poor) but I hold myself back. "You're her son. You have nothing to worry about."

_"Thanks."_ He gives me a single pat on the shoulder. _"Well, what about this hole?"_

Ah, almost forgot about that. "It's just a few yards away. You'll see it soon."

_"Right."_

From the way he says that I can tell that he's hiding something again except this time it regards his health. Many of my friends, particularly Aniki, comment on how I can be insensitive because I can't hear the inclination in people's voices. But I can tell when someone is trying to hide exhaustion. Even though Sora's facial expression sags we're also getting closer to the hole, so I'm not worried.

It's still strange. Like I mentioned earlier Hosts generally are in pretty top shape. Perhaps all those injuries are mainly protest related. After all, no one goes onto PoliTech to calmly negotiate. It's just not the channel's style; they're too radical. This brings to mind another joke but I'll save it for an appropriate time.

When you don't talk and focus on walking you get to places faster. It's scientifically proven. I'm touching the jagged edges of the hole and it's obvious now thanks to the grey space inside it. "Alright, this is it. Ready to go home?"

I turn my head to gaze at my companion but then everything in front of me flashes white. You know, the flashlight effect when you shine the light directly in your eyes even though your parents tell you not to. It blinds me, naturally, and then I'm staring at my musty grey coat while holding my arm out. My hands encased in black gloves are holding up a window and I blink once as my face gets attacked by rain drops.

I blink a couple more times and stare at the world outside. The street in front of me is busy. Constantly muddled by cars and grumpy pedestrians; an endless cycle of city life.

I'm back at the Ground Square. I frown.

"Ah, look who finally came back to join the living."

I turn quickly and see Demyx laughing like any bad musician would; with class and no regard for any normal person listening. He's also dressed in warmer looking attire. I can barely make out his mouth as a grey scarf wraps his face. His nose is red and his pale blonde hair is dripping. "That was literally the longest I have ever seen you space out."

"Shut it, Dem."

He raps me on the head (hard) and pokes my sides. "Roxas-chan, you're never going to survive a day out there if you can't respect your elders." He makes a tsking sound.

"I don't see why I have to say your name that way. It's undignified."

"What's so undignified about it? We're friends." Demyx makes a pouting face that reminds me more of a toddler than a nineteen-year-old. "The name is the most recognized part of a person, Roxas-chan. It's a dangerous thing to mess up. You could really hurt someone's feelings."

I growl at him. He still hasn't stopped poking me. "What about me? You make me sound like I'm your lover or something."

Demyx waves his hand in a flippant matter like I said something stupid. "You've known me for what, two years? You should be used to this."

"And you should be used to me saying your name wrong, Dem," I smirk. It's sort of been an old game between us. To be honest I don't mind him calling me Roxas-chan because he adds that to everyone's name whether they're male or female.

Just because I understand him doesn't mean I'll quit teasing him though. Others may play along but I can't call him Demyx-chan. I just can't.

Demyx wipes fake tears from his eyes. "The things a man has to do to gain some respect." He claps his hands briefly before giving me a more serious expression. "Seriously, Roxy, you can't do that when you're out in the real world. Some people are crazy about that stuff."

Ugh, and he had to pull that card. Not to mention he called me that. Some of the other members of my 'family' like to call me that when they're scolding me. It irritates me to no end (you would be too if everyone around you kept changing your name to make it as girly as possible). There's only one person that I don't care about when it comes to calling me nicknames. Aniki.

And speak of the devil, here he comes now. "Ai, Roxy! Quit being a bozu and close the damn window!"

I shiver at the tone of his voice before shutting the window. The sounds of the street are instantly muffled and I slowly run a hand through my face, wiping away the excess moisture. I can't believe I forgot about that. "Sorry about that," I mutter, rightfully embarrassed.

Axel (that's Aniki's real name) just shrugs and comes up, rubbing a hand through my hair. He has a long black coat on and thick leather gloves. His vibrant red hair looks weird in a long ponytail and his green eyes soften when I look up to meet his gaze. "Another lapse, eh?"

"I guess so." Not to mention a freaky encounter with a random Host. But you don't need to know that, Aniki.

"Right." He sighs and glances at Demyx briefly. "How long?"

"I have no idea. Had to be at least ten minutes though cause that's when I came in and he was still staring out. Glazed eyes and everything." When he finishes spewing out how I behaved to the minute detail Demyx instantly walks out of the room before giving me a small salute.

Great, leaving me alone with Axel. Just what I needed.

I sigh and turn around fully, leaning against the window with ease. I'm trying to prepare for the lecture to come. Thinking of good counter arguments and phrases but the moment I stare into Axel's eyes I know that's not happening.

Yeah, I'm leaving out my special name for him for a reason. "So, that hairdo." I tilt my head and put a hand under my chin. "It really doesn't fit you."

Axel's eyes narrow and he crosses his arms. His silence unnerves me. He's usually such a motor mouth and even when he's in a bad mood he'll have a sarcastic comeback ready for any dumb remark I make.

He must be angrier than I thought. I blink once and rub my elbow vaguely. When he still doesn't say anything I turn my eyes towards the floor instead. He brings my head up by the chin and his face is so close that I can see the little specks of yellow in his green eyes. He grunts, moving my head from side to side, staring directly at me. "How are you feeling? Any headaches? Phantom pains? What are we dealing with here?"

I sigh and let him move my face all over. "Nothing. Honest."

His only response is a groan and then he fully stands, cracking his knuckles. It always freaks me out when he does that. It sounds like he's actually breaking something. "You didn't take your medication," he says like it's the most common thing in the world.

And it wasn't until recently. "Yeah, I didn't."

He closes his eyes, still shifting his knuckles into his palms repeatedly. "Why?" he asks.

It's amazing how he can lower his voice like that. "I didn't think I'd need to," I mumble.

"You're lying." He opens his eyes again. He's glaring at me like that will pry the true answer out of my mouth.

"What's wrong with taking a break, huh? You know how the medicine makes me feel!" I snap. We've had this argument before but I'm not in the mood today. I may have lapsed pretty badly but this time something actually happened.

Instead of some blank space I can't remember I actually _talked_ to someone. That has to mean something. It sucks that I can't fully tell Axel the truth, but the moment he finds out it's a Host he'll force feed me the medication. I'm 95% sure of that.

"Roxy . . . I can't stress this to you enough. You have to take your medication _every day_." Axel closes his eyes. "You know why."

"Nothing dangerous ever happens during these lapses! So what if I stare for a couple seconds? It's not like I'll die without it." I huff and cross my arms. My position is identical to his but he will always be more intimidating just because he's a few heads taller.

God, I hate that.

Axel chuckles darkly while staring out the window. "Ten minutes is a long time, Roxy. Especially if you're out in the middle of the street. Don't downplay this."

"You're not my dad, Axel." It's a weak thing to say but I'm too mad to care. It's even worse because I called him by his full name and unlike Demyx Axel actually gives a crap if you address him the wrong way. I'm really, really, _really_ pushing it.

The thing about me and Axel is that we both have messy tempers. He is much better at controlling it, obviously, but along with rage comes the desire, the _need_ to be heard. We don't back down until the other cracks. This is just one of those times.

Axel's facial expression morphs from shock to pissed in seconds. Then suddenly he grins widely; showing off white impenetrable canines. I shake slightly under his angry smile and he laughs before walking away and opens the door across from me. Inside I see Xion's blue eyes close before she runs away. Her black coat trails as she heads up the stairs and along with her footsteps I hear the pounding force of other feet shuffling rapidly upwards. Axel shakes his head, still grinning wickedly. "Damn them eavesdroppers."

I swallow. He rarely cusses either.

Axel puts a single hand on his hips. "I'm not doing this today, Roxas. It's a waste of my time frankly. Pfft, what the hell, eh? It's not like it will matter in a few days." His smile shrinks and his eyes harden. "You're lucky that you have people like me constantly watching after your pathetic ass when you refuse to pick it up yourself."

I . . . I don't even know what to say to that. My hands are shaking and I can feel pressure building up in my eyes. My mouth is in this weird snarl shape but I still can't say anything. God, I can't even think! What do I say to that?!

"Hey. Hey!"

I flinch back as his shout reverberates through my ears. I gasp at the strength in his voice. How did it spike up like that? He has the strangest vocal chords out of any guy I've ever met! "What?!" I scream back.

He chuckles before throwing a white bottle at me. There are three yellow pills that each have a blue line running across the middle. "Don't lapse again. It's your birthday after all," His weird smile returns before he leaves and slams the door.

* * *

**Alright! Second chapter done!**

**Thank you all for reviews and support. You have no idea how much this helps!**

**Well, tell me what you all think of Roxas in your reviews. His chapter is a little longer here. This is the kind of length you can expect unless I have to end it early for cliffhanger purposes.**

**Anyway, until next time!**

**And before I forget, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. This plot here is mine though (and this will be the only time I say it).**

**Justice T.**


	3. Revelation (Sora)

**The HuMaN CondITIon**

**~Revelation~**

I open my eyes to screeching as the monitor comes to life, red lines zipping fast across the black screen as Aqua stands beside it with wide eyes. Her mouth is set in a firm line and her face is pale. It almost rivals the white empty space I traveled through with Roxas, but that's not the main point here.

Aqua's mouth is closed, so where is the screeching coming from? It's inhuman, this keening sound. Ugh, feels like my head is going to bust open!

Calm. Yes, I need to remain calm. I can't let this distract me from the bigger picture here.

Gah! Ow! Okay, maybe I need a little help. "Sensei, please," I mumble lightly. I can barely keep myself from gritting my teeth. I want to claw my hands into my own skull! "Sensei . . . oh, my head . . ."

"Sora?!" She shakes her head quickly before walking over to one of the cabinets, pulling out random medication. I can't even tell what they are from this distance, but this headache wouldn't let me even if I tried.

Uhnn . . . this has never happened before. Could it be a side effect of the cleansing lapse? "Aqua . . . " Darn, I can't even say her name right! Sheesh, she's a doctor! I can't address her like that . . . crap . . .

"Shhhh, don't say anything else!" She practically forces my mouth open, getting three yellow pills in, then gives me a cup of water. "Swallow all of them!"

I groan but do as she says. The pills feel like hard lumps of coal going down and I cough and wheeze, nearly spitting out the water. I'm breathing heavily now and tears are falling down my face, but even now as my heart protests I feel my lips pull up into a smile. Then I laugh. Don't get me wrong, this crap _hurts_, but still I find it in me to keep laughing.

Aqua's facial expression almost sends me into another fit of giggles but I control myself and drink the rest of the water in my cup. Her blue hair cascades across her face in messy wisps, freely clinging to her shoulders. Her white uniform is slightly disheveled and, dare I say, wet in a few areas (she must have been sweating). Her face has changed from that pasty pale complexion earlier to an angry one tinged with red blotches spreading from the tip of her nose to her cheeks. Her eyes, forgive me, are as wide as saucers and wider still as she stares at my hand with the cup.

I follow her eyes and stare at my hand. It's shaking pretty badly. I shudder once before relaxing my arm, letting it fall on my lap carelessly while the cup slips from my fingers and easily tips over the side of my bed, a true tumbling fall from a meager cliff. Aqua's heavy breathing is the only thing I hear before a resounding crash. The splinters of glass spread out in a rippling effect, as wide as the consequences of a pebble dropped in a calm pond. We both stare at the scattered shards. Then we raise our heads at the same time and stare at each other.

Again, I fight the urge to laugh. I'm successful for the most part but I can't stop the smile forming on my face. Aqua blinks at me once and her eyes harden. I watch the concern drip out of her iris as the prejudice slowly resurfaces. "Well . . . if the smile is indicative of improvement I guess I don't need to worry."

I rub my own forehead, chuckling lightly as I sit up. My chest feels so sore but the rewards are worth it. The revelation was worth all of this and more. "My head is stinging a little, but it's definitely an improvement."

"Oh, I believe it." She openly sighs in front of me and leans against the wall. "God, you nearly gave me a heart attack . . . "

"I'm terribly sorry, truly. But . . . I can't help but feel excited now." I grin widely, trying to show the happiness spreading up my sore chest from the core of my being. It's an ecstatic emotion almost, filling up my pores and overflowing me with giddy energy. The sensation is nothing short of amazing and I can't help letting my smile widen as a result.

This really happened. After waiting so long . . . I've experienced it. My first cleansing lapse. I giggle hysterically and hug myself, shuddering with the sensory overload as the pounding in my head slows down to a dull ache. It's really hard to describe this; words don't give it the depth that it deserves. I'd have to start referencing certain relationships that would only leave you guys confused at this point, so I'll settle with what I've said already.

Plus, with the way Aqua's staring at me, I'm going to be a little occupied before I can properly explain anything. So, if you could please wait a few minutes. Thank you.

"Sora, you need to calm down." She expertly ties her hair back while speaking. "I don't want you passing out. Not yet."

"I'm sorry, I'm just . . . I'm really happy." I giggle again. Yeah, I get that these are weird reactions (especially considering I'm a guy). Just bear with me here. I'm getting there.

Aqua sends me a weary glance before grabbing her clipboard from the counter, jotting down notes with tense hands. "I really hope you're not getting high from those pills. They're depressants, you shouldn't be feeling so . . ."

"Upbeat?" I guess, still smiling. Not as big as before though.

"Yeah. You should have been pulled into a drowsy standstill and fighting hard to stay awake." Aqua purses her lips. "I'm assuming you have a theory for this?"

I start rubbing my fingers just to give myself something to do. The energy is settling into a strange latent consistency. I feel more awake than ever before, like a direct kiss from the sun. All of a sudden my goals seem less onerous; my life is bright and full of promise. Who doesn't smile when they know this deep in their heart, deep in their soul?

Wow . . . this really is an amazing feeling. I close my eyes. "I don't have a theory. More like . . . a direct answer. Would you care to let me enlighten you?"

"I see." She sighs. "Might as well hear it. Just try to be quick. I have a lot of paperwork to clear through just for giving you the CL dosage."

"Naturally." I smirk. "After all, you usually reserve those for the clones, yes?"

"Exemplary Independent Life forms, as you so humbly refer to them." Aqua writes a little faster on her clipboard. It's a wonder she isn't breaking the paper with those forced hand movements.

Aha, man, so she really did watch our protest last time. Did I already say that I love this woman? "Well . . . I think I made my first connection."

Her eyes widen and her hand freezes, pen hovering precariously over her board. "A . . . cleansing lapse."

"Yes, exactly!" I lean forward, smiling wide enough for it to hurt. "Isn't that great?"

"Well . . . I . . . I really don't know what to say now . . . " She groans, setting her clipboard down. She then smiles at me, but even without contacts I can tell it's forced.

My vision is nearly perfect, honest. With the operation and whatnot it got a little worse. I can still read things from across the room, I just have to squint and do the head tilt, etc. People got annoyed at me doing that though, so . . . contacts. Heh, where are those little suckers anyhow?

Aqua is rubbing her eyes now. Man, why is she so stressed? Am I the only person who sees this as a good thing? I met my other half. I met . . . Roxas.

God . . . just saying his name in my head is giving me chills! After all this time, I finally know! "Sensei, can you search a name for me? Please, this is really important!"

"A name . . . you mean you learned his identity too? Oh, Sora," she says.

I nod eagerly. "I saw him. Full body, everything! I'll recognize his face. You could search him on the android database! His picture should come up!"

"Sora . . . I can't . . . " Her face morphs into a grimace, draining away my anticipation. "Trust me, his name wouldn't even come up. I won't find him that way."

"What are you saying? What do you mean you can't? You haven't even tried!" I shake violently and the monitor echoes my anxiety with screeching. "His name is Roxas! Just put it in, he'll show!"

She doesn't understand what this all means. She doesn't know how long I've waited for this moment. Can't she just take out her laptop and search the database in front of me? I need some proof, dammit!

Dang, what's happening to me? All the good feelings, all that euphoria is quickly getting replaced by pure agitation, a stress induced rage.

"Sora, please, I'm sorry but-" Aqua literally jumps back a few feet as I yell at her.

"Sorry? You're sorry?! What am I supposed to do with that?! That doesn't tell me anything except that you're refusing to help me!" I shudder violently and pull against the bed, finding my hands restrained by these tight, white chains. Wait, chains? Where in the hell did they come from?!

I shiver then look up in time to see Aqua slowly walking towards me, holding a syringe. Uh oh . . .

My eyes widen and I scoot as far away as I can from her. Only, I can't even move now. This bed's security mechanics must have activated, because now minuscule white chains are wrapped around my arms, legs, ankles, waist . . .

I glare up into her face, trying to show her with my eyes how much this betrayal stings, how much this is hurting me internally. Aqua . . . I always thought you were different. You, who treated me like a patient, not a crazy deviant freak. But I guess I'm seeing the true you now.

Her eyes soften just as I feel the jolt of a needle entering my arm, corrupting my bloodstream with its occupants. "I'm sorry, Sora. This is all just a side effect, the emotions you're feeling now."

All I do is stare angrily at her until the sedative sets in, pulling me deeper into the bed and into a forced world of unconsciousness.

~~~H~~~C~~~

_"His reaction was completely unorthodox. Opposite of what the prescription was supposed to do."_

_"What did you expect when you gave it to him? It's not meant for him in the first place. You've only made his condition worse."_

_"Condition?"_

_"He'll never be satisfied now until he knows . . . and that's a problem."_

_"But . . . shouldn't this be a good thing? His vitals will recover now that he's aware of . . . now that he's seen-"_

_"He saw him. The other one?"_

_"I believe so."_

_"Dammit! We're going to have to pull a lot of strings here. Why didn't you call me sooner?"_

_"I just . . . I just . . ."_

_"Aqua . . . you need to let this go. He's not . . . he's not . . ."_

_"Don't say it. We're not supposed to talk about it."_

_"Aqua . . ."_

_"I'm fine. It's okay. You can stop worrying about that."_

_"You're not going to be able to mourn if you continue working like this. Not . . . not with this kid. Should've known you would take on a lost cause like him."_

_"No. Sora is . . . different. He'll make it."_

_"Different . . . in more ways than one."_

_"Sora . . . Sora is . . ."_

"SORA!"

I scream and sit up fast, instantly bashing my head into a soft, more petite forehead. My groan choruses with an agitated moan. I instantly recognize her voice as she mutters, sitting directly on my waist before stretching out her legs against my sides. I wince as her toes jam into my elbows. "Urgh, Kairi watch it!"

She stops rubbing her own forehead and smirks at me. "Good Morning," she says innocently, tilting her head to complete the cute posture while tapping her feet against me. "Took you long enough."

I roll my eyes. I already said her name in a spirit of agitation, but I might as well give you the proper introduction.

Kairi Ishikawa. Known to most viral users as the "miracle's descendent" or even "the child of destiny". I know, seems like overkill, right? Well, there's actually some truth to these titles.

There are many rumors going around about what happened to Kairi in her youth. Some of the stories are pretty interesting, as they involve historical references that sent me on a tailspin before I even met Kairi in person. But, in basic terms, Kairi's birth was a miracle in itself. However, very few people know what actually happened. Not even Kairi, but since she never speaks about it I usually don't push her about finding out the exact origins of the scenario.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm just lucky to have her as my girlfriend.

"Sora, hello?" I blink once as she waves her hand in front of my face. "Earth to Sora?"

I sigh. "I'm here . . . and in pain."

She laughs. "Right."

"No, seriously, you're crushing me." I point at her knees. "You might actually damage something important."

Kairi scoffs before sliding off me. "Like your heart is not enough."

"Apparently not, though I'd say my recent discovery was worth the agony this time." I grin proudly and put my hands behind my head. Well . . . I tried to do that. Instead, I watched in shock as my hands stayed at my sides. "Hmm, looks like my heart isn't the only one that took the hit this time."

"Probably just the medication still at work." I gasp and turn my head towards the new voice, wincing slightly as a hand grips me by the hair, roughly combing through it. "I see you're as idiotic as ever, Sora."

I growl. "Quit that!"

He only smirks in response, bending my head down and messing my hair up with both his hands now. I can barely move my head up against him, the rest of my body may as well be made out of pudding. The lucky bastard . . .

"Alright, Riku, knock it off," Kairi says, voice light with mischief.

"Yeah, yeah." He steps back, admiring his work from afar while I scowl at him. "Dude, I envy your hair sometimes. No one else can pull off that look."

I pout. "I really don't get why you're so obsessed with my hair. You got your own mess to deal with." I would make wild gestures toward the long mop of silver running past his shoulders to his waist, but it's all I can do to nod towards him before a spasm shakes through my spine.

Riku Muranaka. Loyal and sturdy as any white-haired teen would be after the most publicized break up of all time. We actually met in freshman year before the whole fiasco with his parents. He actually took the change well compared to what people thought. Whatever pain he felt was channeled into his studies, particularly in electronics and finance.

A wise beacon of hope on his best days, a jackass on his worst. In short, my best friend.

A friend who is currently laughing like a maniac and poking my noodle arms. Yeah, he's that type. "You know, this is the fifth time I've seen you in the hospital."

I sigh. "You didn't have to come. I know these places make you sick."

"And miss the chance to discuss your permanent bed heads? I think not." He straightens himself up, tapping something into his personally fitted steel watch. A collectable item curtsy of the guilty parents accordingly. "Besides, you have a speech to deliver in a week and I don't trust these doctors with your recovery."

Well, that explains the surprise visit. This isn't the first time my friends have gotten past the waiting room and into my whatever room I'm assigned in these clinical traps. Of course, this is all thanks to Riku.

"Awww, you do care!" I squeal, doing my best impersonation of his special 'fans' he loves so much. Kairi and I forced Riku into doing about ten viral videos and already he has thousands of fans (particularly of the female variety). He's taken to labeling them as 'stalkers' and 'creeps' respectively and hasn't done a video since then.

"Sora, do not make this hard for me. It's going to take a lot of resources for me to get you out early."

I sober up instantly. It's hard to tell which mood Riku is in sometimes. Right now, I'm guessing it's his 'manager' one. "Sorry."

He waves a hand towards me, dismissing my joking attempts. "Don't sweat it. If I can nab the right medication we might be able to get you back with minor infractions and bed rest accommodations, which is _more_ than you could hope for in a normal case."

I groan. "Of course. I should be thankful to get bed rest at home when I've already suffered through that for three weeks."

"Exactly. Must I replay our last protest for you?"

I shudder. Even with the excellent camera crew Riku hired last time, my fall from the podium was anything but graceful. "Nah, I'm good."

Kairi gave me a sympathetic look. "Perhaps you should try being the good patient this time, eh?"

"Sheesh, you guys. Give me some credit. It's not like I get banged up all the time."

Kairi looks away, coughing lightly. It's the only way she can keep herself from full on ranting at me. Riku, of course, has no qualms with doing so. "Well, Sora, if last protest wasn't enough I also have a list of home videos your mom personally sent to me as reminders. Not to mention there's the party last year where you broke both your legs within the span of thirty minutes. And, let's not forget about the—"

"Alright, alright! Damn your pathetic paparazzi!" I growl at him and he simply gives me a small smile back. But in his turquoise eyes I also see a hint of worry, which makes me feel guilty.

I bite down hard on my bottom lip, quickly curling my numb fingers into fists. "Sorry . . . I just . . . I know I can do better, guys. I understand my limits, I don't _like_ getting hurt." I look straight ahead, avoiding both their faces as I fight to control the stinging sensation in my eyes. "What I don't like is when people treat me like I will always be sick, like I am always some curse for them to get rid of. They can patch me up, they can heal my wounds . . . but in the end they can't change the choice I made for myself."

With that end note I've quickly turned a light, easygoing conversation into a depressing discussion about morals. Great job, Sora. Unfortunately, I guess I can't help it. In a situation like this it's expected. I think there's a special reason hospitals are built strictly in white. Purity, peace, safety . . . those are the goals a place like this strives for, the essence instilled in its workers around the clock.

The only thing impure is the patient, the person that has to be refined. Made whole. Healed.

However, people like me are different. Our injuries are more common, more fatal. We're crowding the hospitals, infesting these doctors with problems that they aren't trained to handle on a daily basis. No matter how successful they are in repairing us, they can't change who we are or what we've released into the world. They can't turn back a miracle of science and they hate _us_ for it.

It's like that phantom doctor said in my dream (was it a dream?). In their eyes we're all a lost cause. When you're constantly treated like that every time you're sick, you can't help but want to strike back in some form. This is my way. It may not be the healthiest, but I usually convince myself that my physical condition is underrated.

After all, the heart is what matters most, the passion behind my stride. I always thought that part of me was safe . . . at least until my last appearance across the net anyway. My mom will love shoving this in my face, but I digress. I really should be focusing on my friends and their concerns but now that the medicine is wearing off I'm starting to think about Roxas again.

"Sora?" Kairi turns my face towards her. She frowns slightly before running a hand down my cheek. "What happened between you and Sensei?"

Sensei . . . ah, they mean Aqua. "Ah, it's sort of foggy if I'm being honest," I mumble. "I sort of freaked her out I think."

Riku shrugs while tapping at his watch again. "Nothing new there. She's always so skittish around you. Like she's trying to restrain a ghost or something."

I laugh softly. "I doubt that. She's just more polite about my beliefs than most."

"No, Sora, Riku is right. She really is scared of you. She doesn't show it in front of you, but believe me, we caught footage of her outside your room one time and she was so pale." Kairi nods erratically after the statement, as if it will make the tale more credible.

It's the combination of her exaggerated movements and Riku's calm demeanor that hits me. They're just nosy enough to pull something like that off, which can be both a blessing and a hindrance at times. They both know that Aqua is my favorite doctor though, so this is sort of low (even for them).

When Riku sees my facial expression he immediately backtracks. "We barely saw her, Sora. I was only hacking into the system so that we could schedule your next appearance based on your release date."

I raise an eyebrow. "Not that I hate addressing the public, but I thought you of all people would be pressuring me to take it easy."

"Oh, you will. Don't fool yourself. You're going to stay in bed until the event; you can trust me on that." Riku hands me his Moogle Pad (one he created himself) and taps the corner of the screen, bringing up a virtual pop up that displays a mini projection of HellChrome, the legendary news receiver known for its extensive follow ups on controversial scandals. "Things have been very rocky with our movement lately. This case is at the heat of it, which you will reference in your speech."

I narrow my eyes as the reporter on the mini screen speaks along with other random news clips.

["We've yet to know the names of the culprit and victim at hand in this case. However, once the mother gives us consent we will have more info on the Fukunaga Clone trial along with the hospital where the procedure took place."

"It appears that the Host suffered through violent side effects before being mercilessly attacked by its creation, effectively pushing the family to consider—"

"This is the last straw! All cloning facilities should be detained immediately until we receive scientific proof that their existence isn't a danger to our children—"

" . . . and here lies the grave of a teen. With the Fukunaga Incident that took place seven years ago, it's no wonder that he made the choice to duplicate himself. With the questionable health issues involved it's no wonder he became a target at the end."]

The voices drone on and on and I blink once, gripping the tablet tightly. "Turn it off, Riku," is all I can say as I fight to control my fingers. This is why I must speak out, I remind myself. To prevent things like this.

Riku eagerly takes his expensive toy back, looking a little guilty now. "Sorry, I know it's a lot to take in. The prosecutors were able to keep this case hidden for about eight weeks but now it's everywhere. We can't ignore it." Riku looks away from me, as if he's unnerved. "Wait till you see what the Clone in this case looks like."

"Exemplary Independent Life form, Riku." Kairi crosses her arms over her chest. "Let's not take on the demeaning habits of our opposition."

"What? It's easier to say." Riku pinches the bridge of his nose. "After all I've done for the cause you can let a minor slip up go, can't you?"

I almost feel like refuting him but that would just be a waste of time. After all, even if Riku is the ultimate hacker it's not like he isn't risking his neck every time we disrupt the popular networks such as the ever infamous PoliTech. In some ways, Riku is more reckless than me when it comes to pushing the limit. So, frankly, I don't really have a right to challenge him.

Kairi sighs, taking a cue from my behavior to back off. "Well, let's not overwhelm him. He's got a lot of recovering to do." From the way her voice drops I can tell this has probably been bothering her for a while.

Riku gives me a sharp look before nodding slowly. And this is where my friends transform into health mongers. I have a feeling I'm going to miss this hospital when I'm released, they are way stricter than any doctor I've been under.

I sigh. "Guys, before you get me out can you do me a favor?"

They both walk a little closer to me, staring at me with curious expressions. I swallow, anxiety finally relinquishing the strange languid pull to my muscles, allowing me to lift my hands and grip both of theirs. "Could you . . . hack into the database and search a name for me?"

Kairi gasps while Riku looks rightfully offended. "Duh, I could do that in my sleep," he grumbles, instantly messing with his watch and pulls out a miniscule looking key barely the size of my thumbnail. "Just say the name."

I close my eyes. "Roxas."

Kairi tilts her head. "Huh . . . interesting . . . "

Riku freezes in front of the security panel by the front door, turning towards me with a weird expression on his face. "Roxas . . . huh, your name scrambled with an X?"

I smile sadly. "Yeah. Can't just be a coincidence, right?" It's a rare occurence, and somewhat stereotypical, but a common sign of a duplicate is an 'X' in their first name. Especially when you consider my case, which I will explain at another time.

"Wait a minute." Kairi's eyes widen. "Is that the name of your . . . your . . ?" She stutters and turns away, staring at the floor and shaking her head.

Riku easily completes her sentence, voice quiet. "Your other half?"

All I can do is nod before closing my eyes and it's the first time I realize how on edge I've been since I woke up.

I literally had my first cleansing lapse hours ago. Roxas and I are connected now . . . I can actually find him as long as my desire to know him stays strong, as long as I fight with everything within me to survive until are inevitable meeting. Once a bond is created, no matter how minimal it is, it can't be broken.

Years ago, my chance to meet him was taken away. All this time he's probably faced countless struggles alone. But that isn't the case anymore. Someone took the risk and took him away because of society's restrictions, because of people's fear. But I'm changing that; every day I'm doing something that will produce so much change in the long run. I know it.

Sooner or later, he'll have to see for himself. He'll want to see me in person and when that happens I can finally begin the next phase of my plan. We'll be the example; we'll show the world what it means to be in our place. Finally, the positive aspects will be revealed and people will have to account for it.

I have to hold onto this, I can't stop believing now. When Riku turns towards me, facial expression a mixture of guilt and reluctance, I'm not surprised. Aqua was right after all and the proof is a little discouraging.

Even so . . . the changes made here and now will not be contained. I smile, sitting up a little more and slowly pull out the metallic tube that kept me attached to the monitor. "Okay, the next thing we need to do is get as much of the CL drug out of my bloodstream."

Riku tilts his head, rubbing his own forehead. "Isn't that reserved for the clones?"

I nod. "Yes, but sometimes the Host gets them too. It will only make it harder for Roxas to sense me in the future. So . . . " I gesture towards the front door. "You'll need to change the settings and make this room sound proof."

"Sora . . ." Kairi looks at me now, eyes wide with shock.

"Kairi . . . this isn't going to be pretty, but once we're done my recovery will go by about three times faster. Trust me."

After a few seconds that turn into minutes, Kairi nods while Riku approaches with white latex gloves. "Alright. I'm going to need you to stay still, Sora," he says, quickly putting on the gloves in snapping motions. "This is going to sting a little, I'm still getting used to using this myself." He pulls out a small vial from his pocket and unscrews the lid.

I push the anxiety back as much as I can, taking the vial with shaking fingers. "Thanks."

He simply grunts, pulling out a small syringe. Kairi's face is as white as a sheet. I can't help but compare her to Aqua and that makes me frown.

Well, in a few seconds I'll be in too much pain to really think about it anyway. It's at times like this where I remind myself of all the rewards that these actions will produce. It's all about the future, all about preplanning and being patient enough to perform now, in adversity. There's always a turning point, but until then we all have to deal with our lot.

Keeping this in mind, I take three deep breaths before bringing the vial up to my lips.

* * *

**Awesome, another chapter done. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. We're introduced to some new characters here. I hope you liked how they're portrayed. They're both important to the story as well, so don't dismiss them guys.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing and following. Your support helps this story stay alive.**

**Justice T.**


	4. Of Age (Roxas)

**Honorific Explanations:**

**-kun-**added after a boy's name. Used to express endearement or used towards someone of a lower station (someone older). Can be used among other male friends.

**Senpai-**can be added after a person's first name or just be used as a title by itself. Mainly used to refer to upper classmen in a school setting (or someone with more experience in the workplace).

**-sama-**added after a person's first name. It shows great respect.

* * *

**The _HuMaN_ ConDItion**

**~Of Age~**

It's been a couple of hours since I took the medication. In that span of time I dozed off three times, woke up in a cold sweat, and then crashed into about five walls before making my way to Demyx's room.

Yeah. Sounds crappy, doesn't it? It was.

Strings of profanities are at the tip of my tongue, but every time I try to release a vulgar storm a distorted version of Axel's name comes out of my mouth instead.

Axel.

Axel.

Axel.

Damn. You. To. Sweden.

It's a terrible way to handle my anger, but I can't help it (Plus, Axel hates Swiss cheese).

At times like this I usually crash in Demyx's room. Unlike how people describe me, Demyx is observant (in a creepy sense). I think he has a photographic memory. It's the only thing I can attribute to him reading my face like it's a map to my heart or something.

He goes on and on, saying how my nose twitches when I hold back a laugh, or how my ears wiggle when I'm being accused of something, or how my eyes shine brighter than fairies on crack (his description) when I see sea-salt ice cream, etc.

Get the picture? You can't hide anything from him. Therefore, he knows when I've lost a fight to Axel and this enables me one free night limited to one rant session and a personal concert from Demyx, which produces a cacophony strong enough to blast away my Axel induced rage.

Demyx has an open-door policy, as he calls it. Nice guy. Imagine my surprise when I get to his room only to see him squeal like a poodle being shaved (pride was lost here) before he slams the door in my face with a hearty, "Not ready yet!"

Not ready? Demyx shutting the door in my face? Demyx?

What has the world come to? It might as well start raining popsicles!

. . .

Ergh . . . sorry. That was the medicine speaking probably. Most likely. Definitely.

Blegh, where's an off switch when you need one. But I'm seriously surprised about what he just did. Why would he—?

Wait . . . wait a minute . . . something is coming back to me . . .

"_It's your birthday after all."_

Axel's words. Birthday . . .

Oh. It is my birthday. Sheesh . . .

Aw man, Demyx is probably preparing one of his infamous "special editions" to one of his one hit wonders as a present for me.

I shudder as the thought fully sinks in then I slap myself. Any gift at all is something to be grateful for. It's not like I'm really ever allowed to leave the place (except a few times to buy groceries. Don't ask cause I'm not going to get into that right now).

Fact is, everyone will be going out of their way to be nice. I should tone down the turd levels (despite eating the devil's breakfast in the form of three pills. Hell in the head).

As I walk down the corridor of the house a hand seemingly out of nowhere catches my shoulder. I gasp and look to my right, staring into the grey, enigmatic eyes of Zexion. Or, as he ordered the younger people of our group to refer to him, Zexion-Senpai (not that I listen).

Zexion had the easiest transition out of all of us as far as disconnecting from his Host. I've never been told the full story, but in basic terms he had been at the library when he had an epiphany (typical really) and decided he wouldn't associate with his Host from that moment on.

And that was that. Out of everyone here Zexion seems the most content with the separation. He's at peace and, frankly, doesn't care about what his Host is up to. That's saying a lot given how we act around here (or how everyone acts around me anyway).

"Roxas-kun?" His quiet voice nearly escapes my radar and I nod towards him once.

Zexion sighs, wiping his purplish-blue hair out of his face. He really should get it cut in my opinion. Half of it drapes past his right eye like demented curtains. The rest is straight and prickly, particularly in the back.

He narrows his eyes, blinking in a lizard-like fashion that immediately puts me on edge. "You're lapsing."

I grumble. "No, I'm on the pills." I spit it out bitterly, as if I said I was being tortured by volcanic needles that were being shoved through my skull.

Half true.

He rolls his eyes, unimpressed. "Try not to be controlled by such bitter emotions. We're celebrating after all." Coming out of his forced eloquent tone, I feel as if all we're about to do is have tea.

Since my thoughts are obviously to be questioned, I don't voice them. "Right. So patio?"

Zexion nods. "Unless there was some change to our tradition, yes. Patio." He sniffs once and pushes the bridge of his glasses up his nose. "Go through the kitchen."

I raise an eyebrow but don't question the tedious pathway. Birthday surprise, be grateful. I repeat this over and over before sighing and walk the required path to the patio.

I'm going to make our house description quick because it's nothing special and I suck at noticing the hidden subtleties in architecture (trait mercilessly assigned curtsy of Zexion. Dang hermit).

Our house is a conventional two-story with the modest five bedroom assemble (including master bedroom). Three bathrooms (one of them being in the master bedroom) but only two have hot water. We have the many to die for appliances (and by that I mean outdated); Microwave, refrigerator, automatic stove, premium dishwasher, etc.

Our prize is the assemble HDE TV in the living room that Demyx somehow snagged for a bargain (which is embarrassing really. They don't even make those TVs anymore). If it hadn't been for Zexion we probably wouldn't have been able to get any worthy stations. The best we get is always a few weeks behind, to add salt to our wallet wounds.

We have three ways to get to the patio; the kitchen or by the rectangular halls surrounding the kitchen. It's just odd going through the kitchen because most of us avoid it like the plague after an incident where Aniki blew up the oven (I can still make out the scorch marks). Yeah, scary things happen when we go in the kitchen with him now. We have to stay on his good side (him being the most willing to cook and all).

Last thing about the house. Our address: XXXX Panora Homes. Ground Square, Senia 54056. It's a testament to our status on the bottom of the totem pole. Senia is one of the most overlooked provinces in Panora (a century merge of four nations whose names I can't remember now. No one hardly uses them). Our country is divided into 15 provinces with Senia being outdated by about twenty years. There's a higher clone population here than most of the other provinces. Don't ask me why, I'm not big on politics. Bunch of whiny sleazebags to me, but since I'm bored most of the time I have nothing to do but sit with Zexion and complain in my head. If I say anything out loud he gets into detail and I'm left wanting to pull my hair out.

Anyway, each province has a "Ground Square," a fancy way of saying poorville. We live on the ground while a majority of the population lives in the sky (yes, the sky. I'm not kidding). There's even a province known as Atlantica (pfft, the irony) where everyone is above ground if I remember correctly.

Of course, this only relates to Panora. I'm sure most other countries don't have this (and maybe my living expanses seem like luxury to some), but hey, you live where you live.

Ugh, I'm giving myself a headache. I can feel it in the middle of my cranium. Ergh . . .

"Roxas-chan!"

I gasp. Wait, I'm still in the kitchen? I must have stopped when I was explaining the mechanics of the house. Great, everyone probably thinks I'm lapsing. "I'm coming!" I shout, mainly to get rid of suspicions before pushing aside the screen door and running out to the patio.

Synonymous with Conference Hall or lounge, the patio is where we hold all our discussions and celebrations. Axel's the one who came up with the idea of a time limit. Everyone gets one hour with the 'victim' before said birthday guest gets to order everyone around. I call this more of a reverse torture fest than anything else. But it's tolerable. Being God for a day is fun.

Shameful as this is to say, I started planning my revenge on Aniki the moment he reminded me. Heh, sucker . . .

Ahem, moving on . . .

A swift scent of rainwater and pine hits my nose as I walk towards the middle of my friends' tight circle. I force a smile, catching eyes with the whole crew; Axel's protective yellow-green, Xion's enveloping blue orbs, Zexion's calculating grey eyes hidden by the glare in his specks, and finally Demyx's excited amber eyes.

Everyone . . . minus one. But the person missing doesn't matter. She's rarely here and makes a point of not showing up for parties.

Axel clears his throat, obviously taking control over the gathering. "We're going to do things differently this year."

I'm too zoned out to really offer up an appropriate noise the statement deserves. So I focus on making my eyes as wide as possible while Demyx makes such a loud gasping sound I'm sure it covers for everyone present.

Axel rolls his eyes. "Normally, we'd start with a meeting before everyone gets their one hour with you."

I blink. "Right, so what changed that?"

He gives me this odd stare. It's hard to describe but for some reason it makes me aware of everything. Like how Zexion has the calmest expression, staring at me as if I'm up for scrutiny at an auction, Xion's resigned posture, Demyx's ever-present smile though from the way he avoids my eyes I can tell he was feigning his surprise from earlier.

Hell. "Okay, seriously, what's going on?" I try not to make it sound like a whine but it's nearly impossible. Whenever I'm on the medication my voice pushes back into my higher ranges, like I'm shouting to keep myself awake.

Xion winces at my tone while Axel blinks, unfazed. "You've come of age."

Come of age? What is he—?

Oh. That. "I'm . . . I'm sixteen."

Axel nods wordlessly while Zexion takes it upon himself to do what he loves to do; talk. "You are sixteen, which means in this province you are legally considered an adult. You'll have to apply for a TID license and register to vote. I will also be providing you with a Moogle Pad so that you can keep up to date with the issues of this country."

All I can do in response to the crapload of info is blink. It's like getting hit head on by a truck, except you're stuck in the air where the gravity of the situation doesn't reach you, leaving room only for disorientation.

I'm an adult. A young adult, but an adult nevertheless. Three years of existence, three years basking in hard earned adolescence and brief covens of naivety. What a childhood . . .

It's a strange feeling. Being biologically sixteen though you've only existed for a few years. Ah, technicalities.

A part of me wants to do something, ironically, childish. A pretty decent squeal is stuck in my throat. I swallowed it back the moment I see Axel's face. A calm face. Eyes no longer protective but calculating, probing, searching . . . he's wondering if I'm going to lose it.

I'm suddenly a tad grateful for the fact that he forced me to take the pills. A shock this grand would easily induce a lapse. I clear my throat, trying to deepen my voice. "A Moogle Pad? Aren't those high-end?"

Bloody brilliant. I began my journey into manhood with a rude reference to a person's financial situation, for a birthday gift no less. We're all poor, but with the pretentious way I said that I might as well own Disney Castle. Heh, Disney Castle . . . it's a classic theme park worth over a trillion. Ugh, don't mind me. Just epic ramblings from a shell-shocked teen . . . I mean, adult.

Zexion just shrugs, as if my response was expected and not a crude reminder of his paycheck. "Don't worry about the funds. We'll get to that in time."

Ugh . . . finances. I should have never mentioned them. I jinxed myself. "Right . . . "

"Roxas-chan, you need to relax." Demyx grins, as if that alone will salvage my crumbling celebration. "This is a special time for you. Now we get to finally tell you about our Hosts."

What?! He's got to be kidding. We _never_ talk about them. Even a hint of that earns a nasty glare (80% received from Axel, thank you). "But . . . but . . . " I frown.

Zexion chuckles and I almost jump from the sound. "What you are feeling is normal, Roxas-kun. Avoiding the topic was never about sheltering forbidden fruit. On the surface, it is simply a defense we developed in order to help you mature independently."

My head just spins as Zexion's voice drones mercilessly in my head. Half of that came out as whoooooosh. "Excuse me?" I ask.

Axel smiles. "You'll see when we all have our one-on-one time with you."

I rub my forehead, trying to get his irritating smile out of my mind and remind myself that I'm mad at him. "Okay, so we're still doing that?"

Demyx clears his throat, pulling out a beat up save-me-from-the-shredder notebook. He prides himself of organizing the events (even on his own birthday). "First Larxene-chan will go. After her I have you then Xion-chan has you and Axel-chan will end it for today since Zexion-chan specifically told me to schedule his for tomorrow cause it will take longer than a few hours. Questions?"

I can barely manage to hold in all the words coming out of his mouth. It's just one excited ramble (reminds me of when he first tried cake batter. Don't ask).

No. My mind is frozen on the name I haven't heard in about a month. "Larxene is first?" I feel my lips pull down automatically. "But she's not—"

I'm cut off as something strikes my back. I think I heard a bone crack.

"Oi, Bozu! Happy Birthday!" The scratchy, forced high voice can only belong to one person and the long nails gripping my hair into messy tangles confirms it.

I tilt my head back slightly, looking into steely eyes and catching a waft of yellow hair as she tilts her head back to laugh.

~~~H~~~C~~~

Larxene. How do I describe this woman?

Well, it's impossible for me really without a comparison so I'm going to have to use Axel.

As I've said before, Axel is the protective one and acts like our leader most of the time. Even though he found most of us (Xion, Demyx, Me) Larxene is actually the founder of our group. She started it with Axel.

Right. Hmmm, what would be the quickest way possible to show their differences? Well, it's most obvious in their teaching styles. Eh, I'll make this easy by using warnings.

Say, we set up a fireplace. Axel would say, "I wouldn't touch the fire. You'll regret it, trust me." Blegh, sappy.

But Larxene would say something like, "Get your hand the hell away from there! You think I have time to go out and buy freakin ointment? You know what, go ahead and stick your whole hand in there. Go ahead, then when you're done I'll take you to the swamplands and you'll learn your lesson. Heh, with a million mosquitoes feeding off your flesh, you'll learn. You know what, I'm bored. That would be a perfect excuse for me to leave the house . . . if you have the guts to do it, I mean."

Yeah . . .

I've always thought there was something off about her. I mean, a part of me has always respected her since she found Axel (saved his ass in her words) but that's as far as my compassion reaches. She was already unnerving by herself (flicking knives for the heck of it, random mood swings, _smiling_ even when she was mad so you couldn't tell the difference).

I think what bothered me the most was when she caught me and Xion watching a forbidden Soap Opera two years ago.

I'll never forget the smile on Xion's face when she slipped in the DVD with a title so cliché that it's not worth repeating. "I heard this was Senpai's favorite," she said with a whisper before giggling, nervous energy causing her face to shine with anticipation, embraced by her black shoulder-length hair.

I couldn't help the light smirk on my face along with the familiar blush on my cheeks (I got embarrassed more often then. Ah, naïve years). "Senpai watches this drivel? I didn't peg him for the romantic type."

Xion's smile grew. "So, you'll watch it with me?"

"Yeah, sure." I wrapped my pinky around hers. "Partner in crime?"

Xion nodded eagerly and pressed play.

The movie was . . . interesting. Most of the sappy drama was lost to us. We were paying attention to the . . . physical aspects.

"What are they doing?"

It was an unnecessary question, because even Xion wasn't that clueless, but I answered it anyway. "I think they're kissing. That's what Demyx called it anyway." I scratched my head. I had vague knowledge surrounding the concept, but it was the first time I'd seen anyone in a real life situation doing it (cut me a break, I had only existed for about a year).

"Oh, right." Xion frowned. "They've been doing it for a while now."

"Yeah . . . hey, what's this thing rated?"

"I dunno."

"Huh."

She blushed. "I had to do it fast. He was coming out of the bathro—why are they taking off their clothes?!" Xion looked horrified.

I did the heroic thing and turned the TV off. I felt the blood drain from my face as Xion looked away. But of course, like any person who escaped judgment, we soon turned into a giggling mess.

"I don't know what Zexion sees in that melodramatic snooze fest," I muttered with a laugh.

"Sort of boring really."

"Yeah."

"Hmmhmm."

"Xion?"

"Yeah?"

"You really did know what a kiss was, right?"

"Yeah. Oh, I mean . . . well, I just have a habit of asking questions during movies." She shrugged her shoulders apologetically.

I smiled sympathetically. "I get you."

Xion laughed, eyes wavering everywhere. The TV, her lap, the wall, my hair, my lips . . .

I blinked once, staring at hers. "It's just so weird."

"Yeah." She swallowed. "I would like to know what it feels like though."

"Huh . . . me too."

"Just to try it out."

"Yeah. It can be a peck really."

"Right. A peck."

We both stared at each other. Then we looked away. The silence was stiffening and so awkward for me. I was used to talking Xion's ear off; it was just an easy thing to do. But this silence had a different atmosphere. A different kind of quiet, anticipation replaced the usual buoyancy of sound.

But not too soon after I felt a hand on my knuckles. I looked up and her face was right there, blue eyes lingering with curiosity and something else I couldn't name. I leaned in slowly, keeping my eyes on her lips so that I wouldn't miss.

My lips were an inch away when something in my gut told me to look towards the corner of the room. So I did.

Larxene's pose was cat-like, a sort of casual leaning motion. There was a certain fire in her eyes that sparked a challenge. She didn't move, just stood still with her arms crossed and the half smirk half smile on her face.

I pulled away from Xion, barely acknowledged her gasp, and gawked openly as Larxene walked over. "I do enjoy ruining romantic moments. But, you know, this got me thinking." I watched as she tapped her own chin with a perfectly manicured orange nail, then I watched her finger move towards Xion's face. "You said you were interested in what it would feel like."

It wasn't a question, but I don't think Xion would have answered. She just stared at Larxene, waiting for execution. I felt like my throat was coated with phlegm, I couldn't speak.

Larxene's smirk grew more pronounced. "Right. Well, do you still want to know?"

Xion blinked once and I watched the color slowly fill up her cheeks. "Yeah," she murmured.

At that moment, I couldn't help but mentally bow down. It almost deserved a standing ovation. For a person of Xion's size, to see her answer that calmly to a person like Larxene was one of the bravest things my young mind had witnessed.

Larxene's smirk kept growing until it turned into a demented smile that would mar my image of her permanently. "Perfect," she said though it sounded like a purr. I openly gasped as she gave Xion a chaste kiss on the lips. It severed something sacred within me, a shock that spun my mind into a tornado literally a second away from transporting my fragile consciousness into lapse territory. But before I could disappear Larxene yanked my head back slightly and kissed my open mouth.

Xion and I stared at each other with wide eyes. Her face was slightly green and from the way it twisted I knew she was doing her best to hold back tears. I have no idea what my face looked like, but I know my ears were wiggling like crazy.

"So, how do you feel?" The question was obviously addressed to both of us, but my mouth was clamped shut. I didn't want to open it in Larxene's presence. I had been violated and used, the evidence burned in my cheeks.

Xion had this half indignant half sick expression. She surprised me again by being the brave one. "Nothing," she said.

"Nothing?" Larxene smiled, eyes knowing.

Xion gave her a slow nod while I glared at Larxene. There had to be a catch, she had to be pulling our legs somehow. My mind furiously worked through a variety of theories while a small part of me tried to deny what happened.

Larxene clapped before stepping closer, ignoring how we shrunk back and seized our shoulders. "That, kiddies, is the point of it all."

I had found enough rage inside to speak. "What?"

"Well, it's only the truth. As the parasitic life forms you are it's what you're supposed to feel, what we're originally made to feel. _Nothing_." Her smile almost distracted me from the empty space in her eyes. "The _real_ thing is something else entirely."

She released us from her sharp nails and took the DVD, walking away. "Oh, and one more thing," she added from the doorway, "The first kiss is never a big deal. Remember that too."

Wired up straight with psychological scars that lapped at our strength, Xion and I sat there with grave expressions. It took me a few hours to realize that Larxene had been referring to Hosts and Clones from the start of it all. She claimed we were worth nothing.

And that . . . that made me really angry.

I kept shooting daggers at her (with my eyes, of course) every chance I got. It came to the point where everyone was noticing (and by everyone I mean Axel). But I couldn't say anything because then Zexion would know we stole one of his trashy DVDs.

So, as that thought settled in I tried to focus on other things. Like how the talk had made Xion feel. This is where I started feeling guilty. I hadn't realized that I had been avoiding her all day since then. Never in my life did I feel that close to hitting myself.

That night I knocked on Xion's door shamefully, cheeks matching my red pajamas. She answered, as I knew she would, hesitantly, dressed in a white night-gown with a small smile. She was just so small, a little girl. Her posture accentuated this with a slouch, which exaggerated our differences in height (slim as they were, as I was only a few inches taller).

I swallowed. "Xion . . . about what happened earlier . . . "

Her smile grew. "It's okay. We can just . . . forget it, right?"

I sighed. "Maybe. But . . . we should still talk about it."

"Why?" She tilted her head.

"You know she was wrong, right? About us . . . not being able to feel ."

A shadow passed briefly through her eyes. "I don't know."

A mini inner battle clashed within my insides, but instinct won. I took in a deep breath, pulled her close, and kissed her firmly. She stiffened initially but soon her body relaxed and she kissed me back ever so slightly.

I pulled away slowly to emphasize the moment before taking her hand. I gently placed it over her heart, then placed it on my own, feeling the beats throb between us. "You feel that?"

"Yeah."

"I felt it too. This isn't _nothing_. This is something. It's real, it's right here." I squeezed her fingers, needing to convince her and myself. "We don't need the real thing. We're fine just the way we are."

Xion smiled and wrapped me tightly with her arms. "Okay."

I smiled back, hugging her. This cemented our own personal rebellion against Larxene's teachings. I don't know why that day stands out amongst thousands influenced by Larxene's crude methods of enlightenment. However way she did it, there was no doubt that she was persuasive. She truly believed what she said and didn't shy away from letting her own opinion trump others.

It unnerved me to no end . . . and maybe that's because I felt like some things she said actually made sense.

~~~H~~~C~~~

I choke back another gasp and try not to flinch away as she hooks her arm over my shoulder. "Dang! You actually grew a few inches! The nerve." Larxene let out this cackle that sent shivers to my core. "Eh, Axel? The shrimp gained weight too."

I send Axel my best "Help me!" glance as she starts poking my stomach.

Axel just laughs. "I'm glad you could make it."

Screw you, Aniki! I need help, dammit! Before this woman skewers me with her nails!

"Awww, look, he's blushing now." Larxene tilts my head back. "You still have such fat cheeks. You make me want to pinch them."

I try using my creative facial expressions on her, twisting it into something psychotic. It's all I can do because I'm not strong enough to pull away. "Try that and I'll personally provide a one class ticket trip to hell."

"Oooh, the puppy bites." She pinches my nose before collapsing beside Demyx. "It's a rough world. Took me forever just to get decorations. I swear this one cop had it in for me."

Zexion takes a sip of his tea, hiding the grin I know is there. "Well, I don't think that surprises anyone here."

"Go suck something, Zex. Anywho, I just had to hurry because the shrimp is becoming a man today." She claps once.

I wrinkle my nose before crossing my arms. "You hate birthday parties."

"Obviously. But this isn't an _ordinary_ party, now is it?" She cracks her knuckles. "Nothing is hidden now. I can be as crass as I want to be. It's going to be _wonderful _destroying all those childhood fantasies. Welcome to the real shit, as I always say."

"Now, now, Larxene-chan." I try not to make a gagging sound at the sound of Demyx's voice. "You can't go that far. Xion-chan's still our little trooper after all."

He waves at Xion who is currently really interested in the ground. I can make out the pink in her cheeks and nose.

"Pfft, please. She'll be sixteen in a couple of months. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Less paperwork." Larxene grins at her.

I sigh and sit down. With Larxene's presence I already feel the patience dripping out of my pores, leaving me stretched thin. I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

"Whoa there! Now, now, you know I'm in charge of announcing the events. I'd like that back if you don't mind." Demyx frowning. Now that's a sight for sore eyes.

"Ahem, why am I first? Who was in charge of this thing?" Larxene raises a single yellow eyebrow, eyes flashing to each of us in turn. It's such a stupid question because Demyx just said it. But she always likes to pretend he doesn't exist when it comes to having authority in anything remotely important to her . . . like coming of age parties, apparently.

Axel shrugs. "We thought you would want to go first. With business taking up your time and all."

Pfft, business. Her absences can stretch from five days to months. Always random, always without notice. Business my ass . . .

Why, Aniki, why do you take her side! The Earth is not a rational place right now.

Larxene just waves her hands dismissively while glaring at the notebook in her other hand. Her nails are red today. "Oh no. This won't do. You'll have to push me back, Demyx. My . . . gift is going to take longer than an hour."

"Ah, how long then?"

"A day . . . or two." Her smirk returns at full force while I shudder. "Just put me in after Mr. Emo over there."

Zexion's response is cool and firm. "I highly resent that."

Dang, a day with her? A FULL DAY? "You can't be serious," I mutter.

"Ah, you wouldn't want me first anyway. You just focus on enjoying your last moments in kiddy land. The conversation we have, Roxas, will eliminate that essence of yourself. It's fitting that I go last." She winks at me.

I smile back as an image of myself punching her smirking mouth meshes neatly in the clouded reserves of my brain. Oh, how I'd love to kill you.

"Well, looks like I'm first then!" Demyx grins widely, standing and stretching. "Ah, I bet if I'm fast enough you can double your time with Xion-chan and Axel-chan before the end of the day, no? Not bad."

Not bad except the next two days will be endless torture. "Sure, Dem. Whatever you say."

He nods and I follow him wearily, massaging my ears as I prepare for the onslaught of raw, erratic notes that may come close to killing my eardrums. I glance behind quickly, meeting Axel's eyes.

He had been smiling but the longer I stare the harder his face becomes and his lips pull down into a tight line.

The heck? What was that look for? Sheesh . . . I'm not looking forward to my alone time with him either.

~~~H~~~C~~~

I bump into another wall, swallow back an explicit, then knock on Xion's door. It edges open slowly and I push it the rest of the way, blinking away irritation. "Xi?"

"Over here."

I turn and see her sitting on her bed in the corner. She smiles holding up two sea-salt ice cream bars. I laugh and sit next to her, taking the dairy treat. "Finally a normal present."

"Wasn't Demyx-chan's good? He told me he had worked on it for two weeks."

"Oh, it was good alright. I was perfectly deaf by the end of it. He had to give me a special pill that made my ears pop. Stung like you wouldn't believe." I swirl the popsicle in my mouth. "This is good though. Must have been hard to nab."

"Yeah. Don't tell Axel-sama. He hates seeing you on a sugar high."

"Pfft, that's his problem." I smirk. "Don't worry, you're secret is safe."

"Right."

We talk like we always do, sometimes really animatedly and sometimes in whispers. Nothing overbearing or serious, just friendly monologues that calm my soul in ways no other person ever could. That's Xion's gift and it's more than enough.

"I sort of wish Demyx put you last. Everyone else is going to make this hell for me."

"You know, if you lived on one of the Skyline Reserves, you would still be a kid," she says softly.

"Not like it matters. It's going to be different from here on out. We're actually allowed to talk about Host life. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah . . . well, they will." Xion hunches over. I move to hug her but stop as she speaks again. "I still don't remember anything about mine. If Axel-sama hadn't found me . . . I would truly be nothing right now."

Ah, right. It's one of the few mysteries Zexion hasn't been able to crack with all the research he steals through his own personal databases. I eavesdropped on Axel one time and learned that Xion had supposedly been considered mute before they found her. It took a full year to get her to open up, and even then she didn't really talk much until I showed up.

I throw the popsicle away before pulling her close. "You're not nothing."

Xion shakes her head. "You'll actually get to leave this house. You'll go out there . . . you'll see things. Your view will change."

When did things get so dark? How could she say that about me? I hold her by the shoulders, staring directly into her face. "Xion, I'm still me. I'm still Roxas. That's not going to change."

"Right." I watch her lips twitch into a smile and I slowly lean forward to claim them.

We've never told anyone, but sometimes . . . Xion and I still kiss each other. It's not something we do often, it's more of a tradition really. After that first kiss Xion thought the gesture was only meaningful when done at rare times. So we kept it to our birthdays. Just pecks, nothing more.

But this kiss . . . lingers. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation, but in the back of my head I can't help sensing the finality in the action. It's like a point in the timeline, my last innocent moment before everything knocks me upside down.

It's bittersweet.

We pull away and I smile, shifting into a standing position.

"Wait."

Her voice is so quiet. I almost missed it. "Yeah?"

She stands with me, hesitates, then pulls me back and kisses me again.

Oh. Well . . . this is different. I shrug internally and kiss her back calmly. I open my mouth to say something else but she shuts me up with another kiss.

And another.

And another.

And another.

My scattered brain loses count at ten. Everything disappears and suddenly my heart is too loud, beating so harshly it hurts. I never realized how warm her mouth was or the tingling sensation in my chest ever time our lips make contact.

I should stop her. I should ask her what the heck is going on.

But . . . at the same time I don't want to. I don't want to stop. Huh, is that wrong? Should I want to stop?

Hmmm . . .

It ends eventually (and unfortunately) when a soft hand covers my lips. I open my eyes fully, seeing her flushed cheeks. She breathes in evenly and her voice shakes. "There. That's sixteen."

"Oh . . . " I want to say more but all I can do is smile like an idiot. Ah, whatever, I'm just going to roll with it. I let my fingers skim down her cheek before running over her lips. "Thank you."

She nods and looks down. "Axel-sama is probably waiting for you."

"Yeah." I let go of her. "I'll see you later?" I couldn't come up with anything more complex. My mind is useless now in her presence.

She giggles then nods. "Of course."

I laugh and lightly close her door and head towards the living room. It takes more willpower than necessary to get the silly smile off, but I manage a neutral expression by the time I meet Axel.

He blinks at me, one foot resting on the opposite arm rest and the other dangles off the couch. I'm guessing it's supposed to be a relaxed pose but with the way his face morphs you'd think he was preparing for a trip to meet the Grim Reaper.

My mood instantly sours and I cross my arms. "You look happy to see me."

A crooked smile surfaces. "Eh, I'm not in a hurry. I gave you thirty extra minutes with Xion."

Huh. "O . . . kay."

He stands and brushes away invisible dust from his shirt. "Ready to go?"

"Go?" I tilt my head. "Go where?"

"You'll see." Axel throws a grew hooded sweatshirt at me before heading out.

I follow trying my best not to stomp, shivering ever so slightly as the cold scrapes at my chest. "Hey, what time is it?"

"A little past five. Why?"

"Just asking." Just about twenty minutes before the effects of the CL dosage wear off. And just in time too. Heck yeah.

"Oi, where do you think you're going?"

I frown, pulling my hand back from the Redux EP (decent car/plane hybrid). "What?"

"We're walking," is all he says before strutting forward.

I groan and run. I think he forgets that I practically have to leap to keep up with his long strides (dang daddy-long-legs). Either that or he does it on purpose. I huff, grunt, and endure the flat land hike for thirty minutes before whining (a personal best on medication). "Axel? You know it's going to get dark soon."

"Pfft, do you have a curfew? Besides, we're here."

I stop beside him and narrow my eyes. The land is dead. I can make out dry mountains in the distance and there's an old, abandoned city building crumbling to my right, but nothing else worthy of reporting. I think of previous years' impromptu road trips and raise my eyebrow towards Axel. He's usually pretty decent when it comes to outdoor gifts. "I hope you know I'm confused," I say, instilling as much skepticism as humanly possible in my tone.

"My father used to tell me . . . silence was the best teacher. A man's best way to focus is in complete and total silence." He slowly lifts his hand from his waist, a long black, shining piece of metal that hurts my eyes. My mind doesn't connect with the twitch of his first finger around the trigger but intuition sparks a reaction out of me when an echoing pop sends a minute explosion into my ears.

My mouth opens up as my ears protest. The sound coming out of my mouth is a guttural version of a shout. "A-Axel?"

He takes my shaking hands, speaking calmly. "Roxas . . . you're going to learn how to shoot a gun." He confirms this by opening my stiff fingers, placing the revolver there. When I refuse to move he pushes my arm up into position.

A numbness sets in as he tells me how to set my legs, how I should hold the accursed weapon, where to aim. The words enter and tumble out in a jargon of confusion and crap. I'm fully aware of the hot piece of metal in my hands, the trigger, and the thunder it produces. The first gunshot I've ever heard and my body shakes violently while my first finger twitches repeatedly in front of the trigger.

God . . . I think I'm going to be sick.

"Okay, shoot."

I feel something wet sliding down my face from my forehead. I'm sweating bullets.

. . . that was the wrong thing to say.

"Roxas . . . relax." He places a hand on my shoulder, hot palm contrasting with the killing machine in my hand. "No one is around. Just a building."

"Just a building," I repeat.

"Exactly."

"Right . . ."

I can feel him frowning towards me. "If . . . if this is too much . . . "

Shame and anger stop the shaking. "No, I'm fine." I set my jaw. "I'm going to do it."

"Take all the time you need."

A part of me wants to snap at him, but I hold it back. It's just stress. Not like I ever done this before. This feeling . . . the dread . . . that's normal.

Just shooting at a wall. Simple. Not hard at all.

Just pull the trigger.

Aim. Gaze. Only a wall . . . my vision is getting blurry . . .

No, focus! Nothing to shoot except for a . . . huh . . . this hazy feeling . . .

"_Just pull the trigger."_

I freeze. What the heck? That was . . . no, it couldn't be. I'm not lapsing . . . am I?

"Roxas?" Axel's voice echoes.

"I'm fine. Just . . . let me concentrate." I scowl, willing my hands not to shake. "I just need to—"

"_Pull the trigger."_

**BANG!**

Recoil! An arm, the butt of the revolver, and my right hand knuckles jam into my forehead. I gasp and feel the gun slip, barely hear it fall as the world comes sharply into focus, vision cleaning up in a disorienting color mayhem.

Damn . . .

I swallow and frown past the building. My ears are ringing again.

"Good. The recoil can be pretty rough. It will be easier to control with time." Axel picks up the gun and reloads it.

I blink and turn my head towards him. His calm expression turns into one of concern. When I keep staring his eyes harden. "Did you lapse?"

A smug voice enters my head before I can answer. _"Well, not a full lapse, but I'll take it. Nice work, Roxas."_

Oh.

Axel waits, crossing his arms. He'll be watching me carefully now. I rub one of my ears, feel it wiggle slightly, then I shrug. "No, I didn't." I reach out and he hands me the gun. I turn and position myself, aiming again. I quickly pull the trigger, shutting out all other sounds as the force of the bullet sends my arms back in a stiff motion, the arc reminiscent of Sora's hunched form the moment I first met him.

* * *

**Alright. Now we get more into character history.**

**I have to say, I'm really enjoying how this world is coming out. It's fun building it.**

**Thank you all for reading and following! The support is appreciated. Have a great weekend!**

**Justice T.**


	5. Connections (Sora)

**The HuMaN CondITIon**

**~Connections~**

In life there are many chances to look over what's been done in the past. We contemplate, scrutinize our old decisions, question how one state of mind can lead to a choice that seems impossible in the present. These doubtful moments are normal and expected. It's all a part of the human experience, part of growing.

For me it's rare. I'm very sure of my choices. I always have a plan. It's been a long time since a surprise twist pushed me this far. But, nevertheless, I'm human last time I checked . . . and I am definitely having one of those moments I mentioned earlier.

Clearing out the blood stream can be an intensive and draining process. With our technology it can be done fast and efficiently with relatively no pain. However, no matter how brilliant Riku is, his drug substitute does the job with help from the ever unpleasant side effects. Nausea, jutting pains, random headaches, you name it. It's pretty complicated to explain, even for me.

So . . . unfortunately, all I can do is complain. But without an audience even that is taken away from me. The moment I woke up from my second coma thanks to Riku's wonder drug I found that I was alone. It wasn't really surprising since they weren't allowed to be here in the first place, but it still hurt to find that I was by myself again. Without their company I was left behind to waste away in my hospital cell, bored out of my mind in a room of white while Kairi spends the rest of the day worrying over me.

It will start subtle. She'll try to call during visitor hours but then when the nurse brings me the phone she'll stay silent. After that I won't see any sign of her for the next few days. In a spirit of self-reliance she'll embrace isolation until her heart pushes her to come back here. Then, the next time Riku hacks into the system for their next secretive visit, Kairi will forget the fact that my upper body is recovering by hugging me to her chest in a grip that would make most men collapse just from the strength of it.

Yeah . . . it will go like that. Maybe.

It's when I realize the outward ripples of my decisions that I feel guilty. For a few seconds I'm a different person. I scold myself, I growl at the bandages and what they represent, I promise myself that I'll never get in situations that threaten my health to this extent. The balance between protecting the body for personal health and pushing your own needs away to speak up for those who can't because of society's restrictions . . . I still haven't found that balance.

It's just . . . troubling. Perhaps I'm too young to really understand this balance. It makes sense that I can't execute something perfectly when most adults are still working on that daily. However, it is something I'll need to get better at if I'm going to continue along the path I chose for myself.

Difficult. Challenging. These descriptions are underestimates when it comes to expressing the emotions washing over me now. I can barely look to the future, all I remember is Kairi's eyes when I drank from Riku's vial and how the pain of the process forced me to scream. It was not a long scream, not enough to alert any doctors or suggest that I had suffered from a fatal injury. But her face lingers, the shock in her eyes at the sound I made, the film of tears that threatened to spill just before I passed out. These images will never leave me. Kairi is like that. A simple facial expression can come back to haunt you for days. A blessing and a curse, particularly for me. I can never overlook that face.

And . . . the doubts keep rolling in. Did I really need to clear out my blood? I should've waited for the CL dosage to pass out of my system. Sure, it would have taken a few days and it would have prevented me from truly testing out my connection with Roxas. But . . . I could have been patient, right? I didn't need to push that on my best friends. I shouldn't have asked Riku for that favor.

But I did. How could I do such a thing?

Words from afar, from home, chastise me. _"A man is no good if his actions for a worthy cause pushes away the people that are most important."_

Dad . . . sometimes I don't want to be that man either, but what else can I do?

I just . . . can't. You know more than most, Dad. You and Mom . . . you both play a large part in why I chose this. Why I chose to create another life. I know it's something forbidden, I know the suspicions associated with it. Do you honestly think I would participate in this ritual, this violent act of science, if I didn't consider the consequences behind the process?

Sheesh . . . I'm starting to ramble now. Guess this might be my body's subtle way of telling me I need to sleep. Maybe. Now that I'm thinking more about the choice . . . the operation . . . I don't think that's possible. I can't sleep with an active mind, not when . . . not when I remember how Roxas was born.

I wonder if he even remembers. If he even remembers . . . seeing me for the first time. Those first few days before he was taken away from me . . .

Those days, hours, minutes, seconds . . . I wish he would remember. I know I will never forget.

_"Can I see him now?" My first sentence upon waking. Hospital bed, sheets marred by light pink splotches, particularly the ones crumpled up along my chest. Guess they couldn't wash the blood out. I try to hide the fact that it scares me. "P-please, I want to see him?"_

_The doctor smiles at me. "Not yet. If I let him in now the shock alone of seeing him would kill you. Your heart is very weak. You will need to wait a few hours."_

_I swallow. "But . . . he's awake, right?"_

_"Yes. He's doing well. He can't wait to meet you." His smile doesn't calm me. What does is his information about my clone._

_He wants to meet me. A weak smile tugs on my lips and it's all I can do to keep the tears at bay. A few hours. Years. Same difference. But I try to be patient, I remember what the doctor says. He wants to meet me. He. Wants. To. Meet. Me._

_Hours pass. I wait. It's hard to wait. I don't want to wait. After all this time finally . . . finally I can do something impactful. I can do something that can change everything. I can redefine what it means to be a family. I can show Mom and Dad that this isn't a bad thing._

_Now . . . now I won't-_

_A strange sensation in my heart keeps me from completing the thought and I sit up. It hurts more than I expect, and I wince, but the pain is barely there. My mouth is open wide in shock and my eyes are trained on the boy in white clothes in front of me. He looks better than I pictured him, hair cascading in upward blonde spirals and blue eyes as hot as coals. He is frowning and suddenly I'm very nervous._

_Why is he looking at me like that? I open my mouth to say something but the sound sticks in my throat and all I can do is wheeze. The boy's eyes soften slightly and he walks towards me, lightly pushing me so that I'm laying down again instead of sitting up. I'm speechless._

_"You're . . . Sora, right?"_

_His voice . . . sheesh, the sound of it alone is making me feel like my chest will explode. I swallow and try to speak again but nothing comes out so I settle with a nod. _

_His voice is sharper than mine. Hesitant and guarded. Many doctors warned me that he could react like this. That his first impression would be negative and he would want nothing to do with me. He might even hate me. It's happened in many cases, why did I think mine would be different?_

_I freeze when he touches my face, wiping underneath my eyes. "Hey, why are you crying?" _

_The note of concern in his voice surprises me and I look up into his face. "I . . . I'm crying?" I ask while fighting against the lump lodged in my throat._

_He slowly wipes at my face before closing his eyes. "You're not happy to see me?"_

_"No, I am. I'm just . . . don't want you to hate me." I don't like the way my voice wavers at the end of the confession. I'm too old to feel this way, to be this desperate for someone my age to like me. To want to be friends. Family. I swallow again and feel a tremor run up my spine._

_"Huh . . . you're afraid I won't accept you?"_

_"Y-yes."_

_Slowly he smiles and climbs into the bed with me, hugging me. "You're an idiot. You're worrying over nothing."_

_"W-wha? You . . . you mean that?" I turn my head, daring to hope. When I meet his smirk I don't know whether to feel reassured or not._

_He laughs. "Yeah, I mean it. We're brothers now. So . . . " He pats my chest where my heart would be. I wince. "Sleep, little brother."_

_"Wha? We're the same age!"_

_He shrugs. "Whatever." He gets into the blankets, closing his eyes. "Just don't cry. I'm a light sleeper."_

_The sure tone, a hidden promise . . . it was more than I hoped for. He was laying beside me, resting with me. He's choosing to stay. I finally relax and let a small smile take over my face. "Okay."_

~~~H~~~C~~~

Brothers. A common relationship most people proclaimed when they finished the cloning process (as would be the case with girls when the Hosts referred to their clones as sisters). For most it was only a title. No one really behaved with their clones like they were related. It was a common term used to describe the relationship because most clones were born with innate bonds that were strong enough to rival a relative's (sometimes even more so).

But for me it was real. I considered Roxas a brother before I even created him and that strong inclination made it possible for Roxas to accept me quickly, which was amazing given the fact that I didn't set up his personality. In regards to the initial stages, the only thing I chose for Roxas was his hair color, hair texture, and eye color. I didn't want him to look exactly the same as me, after all. Everything else had been left to chance.

Roxas was unique, he had free will, he . . . was my brother. But he was also vulnerable. The seven days I spent with him was not enough time. On the eighth day when he was stolen from the hospital the doctors informed me that the trauma of the separation would result in Roxas' death or amnesia. The first few weeks were crucial in both of our recovery from the operation, but especially for Roxas in terms of memory control and brain development.

Three years separated. Three years far too long.

My struggle to meet him again, to connect with him, is starting to distract me from what matters. Kairi and Riku are the people most important to me. Pushing myself over the edge is not fair to them. But . . . Roxas is also very important to me.

And this is where the conundrum lies. It's safe to say that I am utterly unprepared for future hardships. Where should I aim next? I can't just leave Roxas' fate to chance, I can't listen to the advice countless doctors and therapists have given me (especially considering the fact that most of them don't think highly of what Roxas is). The only thing I can do now is keep on fighting for my own rights, for my own beliefs. I have to fight for Roxas if I ever want to see him in person.

I really hope Riku and Kairi can accept that. Why wouldn't they? We've known each other for a while. We have each other's backs. Perhaps I'm the one who should have faith. I shouldn't doubt them, not when they're a large part of the reason I've even made it this far not only as a person but as a speaker who plays a role in politics. Yeah, what was I thinking? We'll be fine.

The monitor next to me flares a warning and I gasp, shaking as the door across from me slides open. A doctor I don't recognize walks in brusquely. He shifts his brown locks away from his eyes while pushing the bridges of his glasses up his nose. I watch as he writes something down once before lifting amber, scrutinizing eyes towards my body warily. His gaze settles near my face but he avoids looking into my eyes. "Ah, your vitals appear stable for now. Very good, seems you took well to the CL dosage."

I blink once and sit up straight. "Ah, did I do something wrong?"

"Pardon?" His hands fly against the clipboard and he mutters a swear word through gritted teeth before sitting at the desk in the corner to type on the computer.

I swallow and speak louder. "Am I in trouble, Sensei?"

He chuckles briefly. "What makes you say that?"

The knowing, almost arrogant tone underlining the response wakes me up. I narrow my eyes. "Well, normally I rotate between three doctors but for the rest of my stay here I was told Aqua Fanning would be my caretaker."

"Ah, yes. She is on vacation. Needed a break." He shrugs once. "You know there's been a lot of backlash thanks to that Fukanaga Trial reeling its ugly head. Her community was affected quite hard by the protests." He turns in my direction without looking at me. "You're not going to see her for a while."

In other words, back off. Okay, I get it. Sheesh. "Right. I'm sorry to hear that," I say.

"Sorry?" A series of emotions flash in his eyes too fast for me to catch. With one swift motion he's up by my bedside, arms crossed and sneering at me. When I look up into his face he looks back without remorse, giving me as much hatred as possible within his stare. "Though my expertise does not lie in the counseling field I do take it upon myself to eradicate _all_ sentiments my patients express that only lead to their further disillusionment. You are treading on very thin ice, Mr. Kan."

I feel heat rise into my face, flushing out my cheeks and prickling my nose. I swallow back something bitter and inject as much tranquility in my tone that I can muster without sounding like a suck up. "Sensei, I prefer to be called by my real name."

"Your real name?"

The smile that forms on his face hurts me and it's all I can do not to slap it off. "Yes. My name is Sora, though I'm sure you already knew that."

"Yes, I did." He nods once, placing his hands on his hips. "In this day and age I think our youth tend to forget how important a name is." He circles around my bed, tilting his head in a manner that suggests he's mulling over something significant. "Our names are a trademark of our identity. It is the essence, a mark of our place in this world. The initial step towards being recognized as both a citizen and, in general terms, a human being. A name implies purpose, it gives us responsibility." He nods in my direction. "I'm impressed that someone of your stature would be so aware . . . but then again, perhaps it's not surprising at all."

I purse my lips. He's obviously trying to make a point, starting off vague as doctors love doing. The ending result of this lecture is meant to deter me, that I already know. But I'm also curious so I remain silent and don't offer a retort.

He doesn't seem surprised by my silence. Instead, he continues and that's when I realize that he probably wouldn't have given me time to talk if I tried. "Do you understand the meaning of the word 'integrity', Sora-Kan?"

My fingers clench at the infamous title added to my name but I keep my face composed and nod. His smile grows. "What about responsibility?"

I sigh. I can see where this is going now. "Yes, I know."

"Do you think of yourself as a responsible person?"

"Yes."

His eyes harden. "Even in the wake of your last speech. Your infamous fall from the podium caught by PoliTech?"

I gasp. So he follows my speeches too? What are the odds. Sheesh, and I thought I had a good read on him earlier. "That was . . . a mistake. It was something I hadn't expected. I didn't say I was the most responsible person on the planet, you know. I'm doing the best I can, no one is perfect."

"Of course, it would be unfair to judge otherwise. However, one must accept the responsibilities and consequences that comes with going public with a choice."

"Forgive my rudeness, but what are you trying to tell me," I pause and tilt my head to get a more accurate view of this guy's name tag. "Terra?"

I watch his face pale slightly before he leans back, slowly slipping his glasses into one of his pockets. "So . . . we're on a first name basis now?" When his eyes catch mine again something is different. I can't place the change but some of the hatred has been replaced. With what I don't know. "Fine, let's be honest. Five minutes. You have five minutes to speak with me not as your doctor, but simply as Terra."

"Really?"

He nods once. "Five minutes. Start when you're ready."

I blink once and bite down on my bottom lip. My anger is slowly drifting away as confusion takes its place. Just what is this guy's deal? Most doctors wouldn't even take the time of day, wouldn't even dream of freely discussing a topic like this with their patients. In fact, I should have been ignored the moment I asked him to call me by name. Not only that, but this guy actually must give a crap about what I've discussed virally in my speeches. He must feel something otherwise he wouldn't even bring it up. Ugh, my mind is all scrambled now.

"Time is ticking, Sora." He stares apathetically at the clock on the wall above my head and that's when I snap.

"You want to know how I feel? You want to know what I really think?" The anger strikes fast, like a rubber band breaking in one motion, fiery whips of pain encased in words. "I think you're just like 90% of the doctors here. You don't give a damn about me or other Host patients. All you see is one choice, one decision fundamentally different from your moral code of ethics. Just because you're in the majority doesn't give you the right to treat us like crap! There's no need to interrogate us like we're ignorant fools. We knew what we were stepping in before we got dropped on your hectic schedules! So you can stop the act. If you're going to spout crap you might as well back up your reasoning with evidence and facts outside your own damn prejudices!"

My breath comes out raspy as my chest aches from the effort it took to shout. Beside me the monitor screeches relentlessly until my heartbeat goes down, which allows the machine to shut up. Throughout all this Terra doesn't say a word. He simply gives me this blank look that would be neutral if it weren't for the frown overtaking his lips. He licks them before speaking. "I'm not going to shove my beliefs down your throat. What I will do is tell you the truth because you won't be helping yourself if you continue to speak this way, to hold these thoughts."

He turns his head to the side, eyes softening as he stares at the wall to my right. "What I believe is not important really. I already know that I can't persuade you just as you will not be able to change my mind on your theories. What's crucial for you to get is that you _are_ in the minority. You're broaching topics that have been in debate ever since the beginning when only animals could be cloned. Remember what audience you're targeting, the history behind the opinions you are trying to curb. These issues are serious and if you're going to freely comment on them then you'll need to accept the fact that at least half of this country is against you."

He leans towards me. "Though your title may be a burden to you now it is still a part of your identity that you will carry for the rest of your life until society proves otherwise. The addition of Kan to your name is legal and will be repeated outside this hospital. Complaining will not change anything. If you are truly aiming for a path that involves more responsibility then you must accept this treatment. If you can not handle me referring to you this way then it only proves you weren't mature enough to make this choice."

My mouth parts open and I stare at him. I have never been spoken to this way. Heck, I've never seen someone whose clearly disagreed with me offer advice on how to be a better person given the path I set in stone the moment I decided to have the operation. He's not giving me the classic "What if?" scenarios other doctors plant in my head. His critique is not focusing on what could have changed in the past. It's only relating to the future.

Despite how much I want to deny it I'm a little impressed. I try my best to rein it in but I can't help staring at him for too long or asking a few more questions here and there. Ironically, he ignores me for the rest of my check up and leaves before I can muster up the courage to ask about what had bothered me the moment I recognized his voice. What did he mean when he told Aqua that I was a lost cause? How could I affect Aqua's ability to mourn? Was he the reason she decided to leave?

These questions slowly resurfaced the moment he administered the painkillers into my blood through one of the tubes connected to my arm. The moment I cleared my throat to let the questions roam free he had opened the door and left before I could let out another breath.

~~~H~~~C~~~

_**Can't believe I'm actually doing this . . .** _

_Huh? Hello?_

_**Just a wall. It's just a wall. No one is going to get hurt. Urgh, why is this so hard?**_

_Roxas? Roxas, is that you?!_

_**Just pull the trigger. Aim. Press. This shouldn't be hard. This shouldn't be happening.**_

_Hello? Dude, can you hear me?_

_**Wall. Just a wall.**_

_. . . I guess you can't. Well crap._

_**Don't lapse. **_

_That might be a good thing right now, actually. Your whole body is tense. If you don't relax it's just going to make the recoil hurt more. I would know. Riku dragged me out for a practice shoot one day. I was horrible at it, let me tell you._

_**Can't lose it now, Aniki's watching. Dammit, he won't let this go if I mess up.**_

_Aniki? Who is that?_

_**Axel. Aniki is . . . wait a minute, what? Who's there?!**_

_Uh . . . hi?_

_**No, get out of my head!**_

_Excuse me? You're the one who waltzed in and interrupted my nap._

_**This isn't happening. I'm not hearing anything. I'm just nervous, that's all. Yeah . . . I'm not lapsing.**_

_Denial is great for the soul. Really._

_**Crap.**_

_I know, right?_

_Hey, Roxas, can you do me a favor?_

_**Shut up!**_

_I promise I'll be quiet after this. Honest._

_**I don't trust you.**_

_You don't? Huh, that's funny, because you once told me that I was the only person you _could_ trust. Things change though, right? Then again, that was a long time ago . . . _

_**You're lying.**_

_Right. Look, I know things are probably stressful for you now. Given the fact that it took this long for us to meet I'm assuming whoever you've stayed with has given you a lot of medication. Particularly of the CL variety._

_**What's your point? Who even said I was taking medication?**_

_You don't need to tell me. I know what it feels like and I know how it works. That medicine can't protect you, Roxas. Unless you want to remain ignorant you might want to stop taking it. I'm saying this because I have your best interest at heart. Please . . ._

_**I . . . I don't know. I barely know you. You can't expect me to make a decision like that out of the blue. You're a smooth talker but I won't cooperate this easily without evidence.**_

_Roxas . . . I'm not trying to do anything. Whether you acknowledge my presence or not, whether you even remember this conversation . . . the fact of the matter is that you're important to me._

_**You can say that. It doesn't mean I'll believe you.**_

_Okay. I understand._

_**Good. Now, can you leave?**_

_Sure. Right after you do one thing for me._

_**Hah . . . what?**_

_Pull the trigger._

My eyes snap open right at the pop of the gun blast and I gasp. My hands are shaking and sweat is running into my eyes from my forehead. I shiver once before rubbing the feeling back into my fingers and twist a little to work the stiffness out of my lower back. "Well, not a full lapse but I'll take it," I mutter under my breath before coughing once. The moment the words leave my mouth the air shifts and that's when I know I'm not alone.

"Sora!" I can't even reply to the shout as Kairi effectively strangles me with one of her hugs. I choke out a greeting as she sobs into my shoulder and when I can't get anything out I just settle for hugging her back and suffering through the guilt pounding me relentlessly from within. A few feet away Riku watches, but since his bangs are in the way I can't tell what he's really thinking.

"Kairi . . . you're hurting . . . me . . . " I finally cough out and she lets go. I nod my thanks and shake my spikes out. My hair is a little damp and suddenly I'm aware of how unbearably hot it is. "God . . . I think I have a fever," I mutter, not really thinking about what I'm saying only addressing what my body feels.

Riku sighs. "I was afraid of this. I hope you still feel up for crashing at my place."

"Seriously? They're letting me leave now?" First a new doctor and now an early release? Life is full of surprises today.

Of course, when fate works its magic that's when Riku gives me the look that suggests the whole scenario is obvious. "You remember what I said earlier, right? You're getting out only because we're making you stay in bed until your next live appearance."

"Riku, maybe we should cancel it." Kairi's expression is a mixture of shame and guilt but I can see the determination in her eyes. "I hate saying this but maybe we better take it easy for a few weeks. You know, until the trial blows over."

"That's the opposite of what we should be doing. They'll be expecting that." From the way Riku's eyes flash and his jaw tense I can only assume that he's had this discussion already. "If Sora doesn't show up on that podium in a week the media will attack."

"Who cares what they say? Sora's safety is what's important right now." Her tone is shrilly and curt. Kairi has a way of shouting that's not actually shouting, if I'm making any sense. My head is too hazy to properly explain what this means right now. All I know is that things are going to get extremely messy.

I open my mouth, hoping to stop the inevitable apocalypse, but Riku's commanding retort easily overpowers my response. "What do you think our viewers will say about this, Kairi?! Huh?! Do you think they'll take his disappearance lightly?! They don't care if Sora is hurt or not, what matters to them is that he's_ there_. If he doesn't say something about this trial they're going to call his whole mission a bluff and make him out to be a coward. I hate breaking your naïve little bubble that you just love living in but we're not going to be able to climb out of this damn mess if we don't stay consistent now in the middle of a crisis!"

For the second time this day I'm speechless. I mean, I have a lot I could say to either add or tear away from Riku's argument, but the tension is too thick for me to break. This is simply a battle I don't want to take part in but I can't ignore it because I'm the main focal point. It's honestly irritating that they're arguing right here in front of my hospital bed. They could have killed each other while I was sleeping, or even outside this room, but no. Now I have to get involved otherwise they'll give each other the cold shoulder (and nothing is worse when two of the founding members of the organization that you speak for can't even look each other in the eye right next to you).

Apparantly, Kairi is also speechless but for the wrong reasons. Her whole face is this half alluring half dangerous shade of red. The only reason she's keeping quiet is to stop herself from screaming I bet, because we all know that would halt my early release by a few hours. Doctors get testy when the sanity of their patient's escorts are questionable (and sometimes, they're in a bad enough mood to create an incident from the get go).

After a few minutes of silence Riku says, "They're going to need a scapegoat in the wake of this tragedy, Kairi. Newcomers always make for a fresh target. I'm the one who taught you that. Not everyone's viral history is a fairy tale. There's a difference between Sora's audience and your audience. You of all people should know that. Our absence won't mar our reputations, but it will have a lasting impact on his. Be selfless for once."

Her eyes burn with so many emotions. Her face isn't red now. It's a sick, green color. With slow, controlled movements she wipes her face, lingering over the eyes and forehead. When she finishes she drops them numbly by her sides and instead of the smoldering pit of rage I'm expecting her expression is . . . dull. "You're such a dick," she says evenly and it scares me.

Riku shrugs and positions his face in a way so that both of us can't see his eyes. "Sorry I can't entertain your childish fantasies, Kai, but you had to hear the truth from someone."

"I never expected this from you," is all she says and she crosses her arms. "Call me naïve all you want but at the end of the day you're just as inexperienced as me."

"Inexperienced yes but not disillusioned."

I swallow thickly and muster up as much courage as I can before clearing my throat. Both of them look at me and that's when I notice the one thing about their faces that's completely the same. Exhaustion. I'll have to be careful. "Look guys . . . I'm grateful for all the strings you're pulling to get me out. But maybe you should just let me finish recovering here."

Betrayal stings me from all sides as both of their eyes widen in unison. I can almost see their protests pounding me in further into the bed, shackling me with chains of obligation and best interest. But they've wasted their energy on each other so they don't say anything. I continue. "If you're going to argue about me, what I need to do, how I need to present myself, how I should be working to recover then . . . I'll stay here. If you're both this stressed than having me around to remind you why will only bring more problems."

Riku is still silent but Kairi moves over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I look into her eyes and gently grab her hand, pushing it off. "I _won't_ let you two use me or each other as punching bags." I shift my gaze to Riku and narrow my eyes. "We_ all_ understood how this would affect our likability and status across the country when we founded F.C.R. We understand the risks and we can talk about this with each other _nicely_. If I can't discuss this in peace with my best friends then I can't fight for what's right in front of a crowd of strangers who would rather have me shut up and move on."

His face is as white as the blankets I'm clutching but he nods once. I tilt my head so that I can stare directly into his eyes. "I mean it. If we can't do this then . . . I'll just make a scene. The doctors will have no choice but to sedate me and then you'll both have to wait at least two weeks before you can even sneak in to visit." Even I'm surprised by how cold my voice sounds so I shut up and let them mull over what I said.

Only when Kairi squeezes my hand do I realize how close she's been standing to me (and that she's been shaking). Riku looks lost and, from how he slumps, like he doesn't have the energy to stand. In one fluid motion he cements my thoughts by practically collapsing onto the foot of my bed, kneeling over and letting his arms cover his face. I watch the muscles in his back unroll and move up and down in rhythm. I swallow then turn my head and meet Kairi's face. She squeezes my hands again before walking over to the wall, leaning against it, then lowers herself to the floor and hugs her knees towards her small chest. I blink once as both Riku and Kairi groan in unison. It's a sign of submission and I don't know whether to feel happy that the fight is over or scared of a mistake I've possibly made in the last few minutes.

My hands shake again and I mess with my fingers to keep myself busy, which ends with me popping my knuckles despite the fact that the sound puts me on edge. The silence carries on for thirty dreadful seconds before I sniff and then Riku lifts his head. Now that he's this close I can make out the red in his eyes. They're bloodshot. I blink once and he blinks back at me and that's when I finally see it. "Were you guys interrogated or something?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

Riku chuckles once without humor before stretching. "Something like that."

Kairi groans again. "We almost didn't make it on time to pick you up. They droned on and on . . . we couldn't answer anything."

Riku growls. "Then they started asking about you and that's when I got pissed and-" He cuts himself off and looks away.

"Riku hit one of their cameramen and it was chaos from there," Kairi finishes in a whisper.

I close my eyes. "Why didn't you guys say so from the start?"

"Because right now you need to get better. Our stress won't help matters." Riku says, giving me a smile I know is fake.

I roll my eyes. "How is chewing each other out not stressful for me?"

"We know how much you hate the paparazzi. You always know when we've spoken to them, like a sixth sense or something. We had to distract you from our emotions somehow." Riku shrugs. "And most of the argument wasn't unfounded since Kairi still refuses to take my side on this."

Kairi simply grunts and looks away from us. I sigh and pull at my wild hair. "Alright, let's try this. You guys get me the hell out of here then when we get to your house we'll discuss the Fukanaga trial. I still don't fully get what's going on with it and that seems to be the cause of all this."

Riku stares. It's not a kind stare. It's a special stare he gives when he's suspicious of someone. "You have no idea."

I raise a single eyebrow to clearly show him that I think the look is uncalled for but he simply avoids my face. Tck, dick indeed. Kairi claps her hands once then brings over a wheelchair to the edge of my bed, setting it up quickly. "Okay, ready?"

"Sure." Her arms envelop me and she half carries me out of the bed and gets me into the chair. For some reason I'm too shocked to let her know I can safely do this myself. Her warm arms distract me and I shrink away from her because of how small I feel. Did I lose weight since the last time I was out? Darn, I'm already underweight as it is . . .

If Kairi notices my frown at the thought she doesn't say anything. She focuses on strapping me in with a little more force than what's necessary. I wince but don't comment on it because I know why she's doing it. She doesn't want me to rip her out later for being too gentle. She's handling me the same way she would normally. Gratitude swells inside me. That's the thing about her. She can just read people with one look, understand everything from a single expression. Unlike Riku who probably sees everything but is too blunt to show it. It's a miracle he has friends outside our circle . . . unless he's been lying about the "acquaintances" he meets with every week.

After Kairi finishes setting me up I push myself forward, waiting for the front door to slide open after Riku inserts the visitor code. They both give me my respective space and allow me to wheel myself to the front room where the exit of the hospital is located. Only inside this building can I control my movement because once we leave we'll be in the air and then I'll have to let either Kairi or Riku push me.

Yes, this building is located in the air. Did I not mention that earlier? No? Sorry. You understand, I hope.

The fact that we even live in the air is honestly a miracle in and of itself. Senia, our province, isn't really known for it's expertise in electronics. There have been reports of certain portions of the upper city crashing to the Ground Square due to system failures. Even with all of this, Riku still refuses to let me live on the Ground Square. It's hard for me to retaliate since he's paying for me, but I don't see what's so bad about living in an area that's nationally known for it's high clone population. Oh yeah, this is for my image. Right . . .

I sigh and tap my feet against the floor as Riku and Kairi fill out the necessary paperwork. I used to joke around about them being my parents but none of us are in the mood for that obviously. Crap, now I'm starting to sound like Riku.

"Okay, Sora, we're good to go." Before Kairi can do it, he pushes me out of the building while simultaneously pressing the buttons that center the gravity on my chair. I can see that Riku already has his anti-gravity shoes on along with Kairi. As far as design goes, they're pretty ugly looking shoes. White with blue and green stripes, but no one complains when it keeps you from falling to your death below. Technically, there should be a set of camouflaged, hovering trampolines set up about twenty feet beneath this section of the city but, again, who trusts Senia's security?

Once we leave the hospital I breathe in deeply, welcoming the fresh air. "God . . . " I tremble. "Man, I missed this so much."

Riku smiles. "Yep. This is freedom right here."

"Yes, now let's embrace freedom while walking." Kairi raises an eyebrow at Riku and he sheepishly pushes me faster along the magnetic fields that keep us afloat. Floating lights allow us to cross at the streets and wires sticking out of the buildings mark where the "sidewalk" would begin and end if we were on the ground. It really is startling if you haven't gotten used to it. I remember my first time with my mom years ago. A smile forms as the memory sticks. It's one of the best I have of her before things went bad.

"Sora? Why do I feel like I'm talking to a wall?"

I blink. "Sorry, Ri, did you say something?"

He pounds me playfully in the head. "Not cool. And by the way, it's Riku-sama."

"No way in hell."

Kairi rolls her eyes. "Come on guys, I wanna eat. Can't this wait till we get home?"

"You remember who pays for that house, right? I think I deserve a higher title if anyone gets a title these days." He smirks. "It has a nice ring to it."

"You're such a pig. I just want to stuff my face in some cheesecake then sleep."

My eyes light up at the mention of deserts. "Hey, that's my line, Kai!"

She gives me a disapproving look. "Seriously? You're going to have to live off of jello until your stomach cooperates."

I pout while Riku ruffles my hair. "I know, I know. Horrible, isn't it?"

"Hehn, I'll live. But if you stuff your face in front of me, Kai, then I'm shutting you out for the rest of the week."

"Awww, really? I was thinking of doing just that." Her cute smirk destroys all my attempts at retorting and I fume silently while Riku teases me about how red my face is. The small talk continues until we reach Riku's place, which was only three blocks away to begin with. They were purposefully walking slow to give me my hard-earned dose of fresh air. Hah, I love them.

But of course once we get in the house the serious work has to begin. I see flyers and virtual pop ups cluttering the living room table. I stare at the headlines floating in the air and Riku coughs once. "Damn, forgot to turn them off. I'll have to charge them," he says while maneuvering the Moogle Pads so that all the virtual headlines disappear in a series of blinking lights. I frown at one image before it goes away. It was . . . familiar.

Kairi brings me a cup of water and I thank her before turning to Riku, watching him straighten up his notes. "Okay, Riku, let's hear it."

"Hear what?" He doesn't even look up.

"You know what. The Fukanaga Trial." I sip my water, making sure my voice is the epitome of calm before continuing. "So, spill."

He sighs and pops his knuckles. Wordlessly, Kairi takes my cup and hands me a mirror. I tilt my head. "What's this for?" I take it and stare at my reflection, which I haven't seen in a few weeks. My face is a little less chubby than I remember, more gaunt. There are dark circles under my eyes and my hair is still slightly damp, dark brown in color thanks to the lighting of Riku's house. In sunlight it can almost pass for a dirty blonde because of the blonde streaks in it. I set the mirror in my lap and look back at my friends. "Guys?"

Riku's smile is sad and a little unnerving. "We just wanted to make sure you saw yourself first. It makes the explanations a little easier."

"You mean for the trial?"

He shrugs. "For lot's of things. The media's involvement, your next speech, our fight today . . . but yes, mainly the trial."

Okay, he is seriously starting to creep me out. I sigh and decide to start with what I know. "Okay . . . so, based on what I saw earlier this whole trial is happening because a clone supposedly went crazy and killed someone from the wealthy Fukanaga clan, right?"

"Not just any Fukanaga." Riku faces his tablet towards me and I see a picture. "The only male Fukanaga. The one who should have inherited their main business."

The longer I look at the picture the more my heart races. It . . . it just doesn't make sense. "That's him?" I swallow hard, glaring at it now.

Riku blinks once, unfazed. "No. This is the clone who killed him."

"Vanitas Fukanaga," Kairi mutters, but her eyes aren't on the picture.

"He . . . looks a lot like me," is all I can say and something twists painfully in my stomach. I look down.

"It's more than that, Sora. Some people think he _is_ you." I hear the sound of him tapping the tablet, powering it down. "We're in deep now. There's no turning back."

I blink slowly, trying to think. In one erratic motion my heart leaps in my chest and I stand up, surprising both of them. "Yes, this is really serious. But . . . I know what to do now." I nod toward Riku. "Get your camera. I need to make an announcement."

"What?!" Riku ignores Kairi's shout, running for his room.

I turn to Kairi and hug her close, whispering into her ear. "Relax, everything is going to be fine." From the way her body stiffens I can tell she's too shocked to respond. I rarely ever touch her like that without asking first.

I release her just as Riku comes back and I gesture for him to give me the camera. "Sora . . . I don't know what's going through your head but I don't think this is a good idea," he says, as if he didn't run off to get the thing for me.

I smile. "I'm not going to be the one on camera." I aim and focus it on Kairi. Her mouth opens and she looks slightly freaked. "She will."

"Pardon?"

I lower the camera. "She'll speak for me. For all of us." I think back to the image of the clone and nod once. "We're going to ask for an interview."

* * *

**And . . . here it is! Whew, these updates just don't shy away when it comes to length. I hope this was an enjoyable read.**

**I know some scenes where Roxas and Sora communicate within a "lapse" may seem different when you compare both of their perspectives together (like with the gun from Roxas in the last chapter). I'm doing that on purpose.**

**Anyway, have a good weekend everyone. Until next time!**

**Justice T.**


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